You shouldn't bring this up to H, but I was just wondering if you know whether your H discusses the alcohol and weed with his IC or whether only you and H know about it?
i know my H discussed the weed with his last counselor, but he's seeing a new IC now and i don't know if he's brought it up with her.
i don't know if he's ever brought up drinking because i don't think he thinks he has a problem with it, or he doesn't really see it as a problem or won't admit it to himself, i don't know.
i know it's not something that only my H and i are aware of. i would venture to guess he's discussed the weed with his new counselor. he doesn't really hide the fact that he smokes...except from people like parents, bosses, etc.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Did you ever tell him that if he didn't give up the weed/alcohol that you couldn't be happy with him, or did you ever hint at it?
Also, do you think that the hiding behind the drug is the problem, or the drug? In other words, if he said he wants to end it but it would take a couple years, would that be enough?
BTW - 60% of ADHD adults without meds are drug users (not me, except for coffee...lucky for me it's against our religion!)
If I were you and I was on bomb two and I wanted children, I would factor that in heavily. Unless IC really works well, he might freak out from the responsibility of a child, I fear. Sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you're handling a tough situation well.
Does your H ever have an anxiety or depression disorder diagnosed before and the weed and alcohol are self medicating and he knows it?
his last IC is the one who diagnosed him with adult ADHD, although he had been diagnosed with ADHD as a child. he's never been on medication that i know of.
his previous IC told him that drugs and alcohol were self-medicating behaviors and the first time we separated, my H laid off the weed and i think went for about 2 months without smoking at all. gradually, as we eased back into the routine of our lives, the smoking picked up and once again, is an every day occurance.
but yes, he's aware that he's self-medicating. i just don't know if he's doing anything about it this time around.
his previous IC took the stance that he wasn't going to tell my H not to smoke or drink, but that he saw the amount my H was consuming as self-medicating.
his previous IC never suggested any sort of other meds for the ADHD and impulse control...
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
Did you ever tell him that if he didn't give up the weed/alcohol that you couldn't be happy with him, or did you ever hint at it?
Also, do you think that the hiding behind the drug is the problem, or the drug? In other words, if he said he wants to end it but it would take a couple years, would that be enough?
BTW - 60% of ADHD adults without meds are drug users (not me, except for coffee...lucky for me it's against our religion!)
OTM, i am not really opposed to smoking weed...once in a while. my H is well aware of how i feel about him smoking every day and in fact we've had several arguments about it in the past. most recently (about 3 months ago), i told him flat out that i was not comfortable with the amount of weed he had in the house (that he was buying for someone else) and my H sort of lost it and went on and on about how i do not accept him for who he is (he was also pretty drunk during this argument).
i think he hides behind it. i think it's something he does as a habit, to help him sleep and take the edge off his day. i've seen him quit smoking for a few weeks or month here and there so i don't think it's the drug. i think for him it is mostly self-medicating. he's expressed a desire to quit, but i don't see him really quitting any time soon.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
i don't think the medicating has to do with me...he's been smoking weed daily for a lot longer than we've been together. i'm sure when things are rough between us it drives him to smoke more frequently...
if he smoked a few times a month, it wouldn't be a big deal for me. it's the every day that bothers me, the coming home from work and zoning out in front of the television or rolling a joint for a long car ride or something. if we were still in our early 20s it wouldn't bother me...but the more i felt i was ready for "grown up" things like a house and possibly a family, the more he clung to self-medicating. he would come home from a happy hour or something pretty tanked from drinking, and smoke a joint. you're already drunk. why do you need to be high, too? that kind of behavior is beyond my realm of understanding and i just never could accept that he did it so often...
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
