New here but have been a voyeur

[Truegritter]

You're not trying to save your M right now. You need to try to save you. Did you read this from Lostforwords on the post link I sent you:

I feel there are two steps for an LBS in ending the relationship and moving on.

Step 1- Accepting that the old marriage is over. Even if there is a reconciling, the marriage of old is dead. That is why I like the approach over here in MLC. By focusing on yourself, as opposed to forcing or controlling the overall situation, the issues that the LBS finds within themselves have been addressed. More so....those issues have been wiped out by consistency and habit. So in the new marriage or future relationships those old issues don't reappear. You have time to take ownership in the parts of the marriage that you might have been lacking instead of just saying it was all the WAS.

Down the road from that is;

Step 2- At this point you can make serious decisions about any future with the WAS. These decisions are based on a sound emotional footing. You can really ask yourself "Was the marriage that good?" or "Was my spouse really that good for me?", and of course "Will my future be better by completely letting it go?".

End quote

You have a H that presumably wants back in. He talkin the talk but he ain't walkin the walk. Your sitch isn't one of a LBS(left Behind Spouse) but you need to look at this like an MLC sitch and follow the above.

Is this the reaction you want? I don't know is it? What do you want. Do you want your H to keep calling you and getting upset with you for childish reasons. Do you want to be part of whatever drama is floating thorugh his head? Do you want to continue your old marriage where your back doing his laundry, making him dinner, and he's bored and complacent until he has an A?

If not then you need to kill this crap. I will quote again from Lostforwords and what he said about my W. He will continue to blame everyone and everything except where the it belongs-inside him. This isn't about DBing strategy don't get confused here. Your goal is stated in #1 above. WORK ON YOU. Once you are on sound emotional ground you can decide if H has shown you steps toward maturity. You're not there right now and neither am I. H keeps yanking your chain. I don't know exactly what to tell you to do other than you have to stop him pulling you back in.

Why now is it so imperative that since OW is leaving that he has to have a decision from you? Some reaction? For you to answer your f@cking phone? Why?

His lifeboat is leaving...

Are you going to be the one to do all the bailing and repairing the ship?

Answer me one question. What has he done besides words to you that makes you think he is ready and mature enough to make a brand new marriage?