how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

i'm really trying and not succeeding at pulling myself together today...

got an email from my H. he canceled on meeting with me tonight and asked if we could meet later this week. he said he feels like i want to reconcile and rebuild, while he is having feelings of doubt about the "viability" of our M and wants to just retreat. he also said he was overwhelmed with the feeling of failure.

i hate that he feels like that but what can i do? i think i gave him the impression that i wanted to reconcile and jump back into things right away, so i need to clearly explain to him that i have the same doubts he has, but that i want to at least have the chance to explore where we could go...do i even WANT to reconcile? i'm not 100% sure. but we have to wait another 4 months before we can file for D anyway, so to me, that's 4 months we could be seeing a counselor and testing the waters to see if reconciliation would even be possible.

he seems so ready to just give up and run away. do i want to be married to that man? i don't know...he seems prone to run from his problems instead of face them and deal with them, anyway. not exactly the way to make a woman feel secure in your love for her...