Cesco - Read and re-read and read again what MrBond said. It's taken me over a year to get that. Feels damn good when you do! Be back in a bit. I have some thoughts!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Mr bond, could not agree more with the coninued detach. Tomorrow I have my appointment with ic and she will ask how my detaching is coming along. She will probably give me a failing grade. I can say that it's slowly getting better and easier.
You see this am before she went to work she kissed me. Probably a pitty one. Tonight she gets home and is a different w as there was no kiss. I get that but I get moody all of a sudden. I go virtually silent. Not much to say. How attractive is that.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
We have 3 children. How could she not call home once to see if everyone is good? I don't understand it. Here is an example. She leaves for work at 7 am. I am awake of course as I only get about 6 and a half hour of sleep a night. She tells me see ya and off she goes. Nc at all for the entire day. I don't initiate anything. At 6pm I do message to say I am off with s12 to hockey. That's all I say. Her response "k". That's it. I get back at 10 pm she is a sleep on the couch. I checked the phone to see if she called home to check on the kids. Of course she didn't. I check the Home computer and face book was lit up. I am not enjoying this iresponsible alien that I now have which is called my wife.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
My ic advised that I do not separate accounts etc. She indicated that if you want your marriage to work your not giving your wife the right message. I am to leave everything as is but if W wants to do that then you agree. Let her do it.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Ic also advised on the vacation I am taking just me and the kids. I told my wife I didn't want her to come to the trip if she wasn't going to work on us. Ic tells me I was wrong and that i should not have made it about me. That I should tell my W that she is free to come if she wants to because it's about the kids. My W response to me was that she would think about it. My response will be the same either way. "k". Lol.
Somebody posted some where to imagine that aliens kid napped the W. How good is that. Lol
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Cesco... Its good to see some kind of updates from you!
You NEED to work on letting go! NO MATTER what your W does you need to not care. Not care that she's being a bad mom, Not care that she's irresponsible, Not care that she has multiple personality disorder....
STOP talking about the R every time you have a few good moments with her - every time you do that you have effectively un-done the work you just put in. LET IT GO. She probably won't bring it up unless you do - hence the convo in the garage.
FOCUS on you and your kids - and for PETE'S SAKE DON'T take her on vacation with you!
Hugs,
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
One of my comments to her was that she was funny in her text, and she is not so stiff today. I told her that I usually have the "stiff one" .. Her response.. " I am not going to touch that one.
I'd stop that if I were you. In your first post, you explained what the problem was. Don't ignore the fact you sexually abused her and ridiculed her and blame it on aliens.
There are no aliens, susquatches or loch ness monsters.
SHE WOKE UP and that is a the forefront of her issues.
How could she not call home once to see if everyone is good? I don't understand it.
It is like Mr. Bond tried to tell you, this is not the girl you fell in live with and M. You will not be able to figure her out and you hurt yourself trying to analyze it all.
Think of her as you would a stranger and have no preconceived ideas about what she should do or not.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
cesco you're trying to apply your logic to your wife's emotional feelings, stop that, every time you do that, you're going to have these questions you ask where you "just don't understand that!?"
until you get this, you'll continue asking this same question with regards to everything she does.
