thanks 4luv- I read your sitch and am happy for the current attitude you've progressed to.
I hope to be there one day.
In the interest of full disclosure- I still very much love W and have continually beaten myself up over the failings of our M.
I know that W never suggested MC or reading books when she was concerned about our M, so I know that something tripped her up in the process to skip those steps (EA/PA).
I have spoken w/ my family and they HATE hearing me talk about my sitch b/c of the pain I still feel...
I keep wondering if W is emotionally disabled or if she's just SO heartbroken by me and our M...My father explained that everything I'm going through is the natural grieving process, that w has not gone through this, possibly from just being too numb, or distracted...
The other belief is that this is how W deals w/ things in general due to the traumatic losses she experienced as a child (father and brother passing).
I have no clue, b/c W NEVER shared those things w/ me- so I keep convincing myself she is emotionally whole and ridding herself of the garbage, so to speak.
On the other hand- endless family members have conveyed that W was exceptionally shallow in conversation, NEVER revealing herself or feelings, etc- just keeping things light and superficial.
This see-saw destroys me b/c as most WAS's do they leave LBS feeling as though they are completely to blame...rug pulled, no reasons, nothing...
I have done SO much wrong in our R that I cannot help but attempt to shoulder it all.
I dont know if W is smart and got rid of something holding her back, or if W is unable to truly love and be loved, or if I did everything differently whether or not I would still find myself here.
