I think MWD's advice on being upbeat doesn't apply when infidelity is in play.
I really believe protesting the affair and ending the conversation with that protest ONLY is the best way to go.
Your husband in particular wants "Off the Hook" for his behaviour, and when he calls up to make conversation and you offer it, he gets his cake.
It is similar to Ken in his thread blasting his wife and apologizing for it the next morning... it invalidates the protest completely.
Upbeat in your case 4luv I think is just letting the husband think you are satisfied with his beahviuor... I really think protest is more effective to someone like him right now.
How did he respond when you told him earlier that his parents didn't want him staying there at all?
How does your husband USUALLY react when someone PROTESTS something he's done to them?
In short, you get to show anger and hurt when you protest... being upbeat is a converse strategy, they don't both go together.
I actually like your last paragraph, I think that's the way to go here... upbeat just doesn't fit with that strategy. There IS no line to walk in my opinion.
You either protest and shut him OUT, or you be upbeat and inviting hoping he will warm up to marriage again...
These two strategies are in conflict... Bo Peep vs Ghandi essentially
