First, the good ... another good day yesterday. Our S18 plays in a band so we went to watch him play and that was fun. Plus, we can share in the pride of his talents.
However, try as I might, didn't seem to be able to stop myself from being triggered by H's impending business trip. My mind kept going back to memories of the last one in Sept. and all the emotional pain and trauma around that trip. I used breathing, grounding, and self talk techniques that my IC has taught me. Most of the time they were working ok... but it was really hard! H noticed this. We talked a bit last night about it. He was supportive, but of course gets frustrated that these things come up.
I noticed that some of my physical symptoms came back yesterday and last night... anxiety, shakiness, trouble sleeping last night, foggy brain etc. This was really frustrating to me, as I was really hoping to be past all of that.
So, I won't go into all the details, but this led to my H leaving for his trip on a negative note. I made a nice breakfast, helped him pack, tried my damndest to be pleasant, light, cheerful etc. But, there were a few things that came up that had to be discussed before he left (practical stuff) that just seemed strained.
Although he gave me a hug before he left, I could just feel the negative vibes coming from him. And, now I feel like chit.
I know I should not let this affect me. It is one of the primary things I am working on... to not let his moods/emotions affect me. But, I still find that so hard.
I would have felt so much more secure if we could have parted with positive feelings, genuine affection etc.
This sucks.
So, I don't know if I pursue to try to make it better by calling. My instincts say no, give him space and let him initiate.
