This sounds so similar. Slightly different sitches, but the same overall pic. It's so strange.
"Where you said... "He got defensive and barked that I should stop throwing that in his face." Exactly like my H too. Reality comes up, for me it was mortgages, houses, schools, because life keeps going forward and these decisions have to be made. But he just kept saying that I should "stop pressuring him", "why does he have to decide now", "he can only give me what he can give me right now", and so on. If he opened the conversation again at a later date because he knew I had to deal with these things still, I would end up getting the exact same replies from him.
He also offers sometimes to help with house things, sometimes does them, or sometimes has the gall to tell ME what I should be doing to make the house better (and these are major house tackling things that I in no way have time for).
I guess about a month or so ago, I started to make the decisions without him. What else could I do? So I'm making the decisions I feel are right for me and the kids should he not return. And if he does, he will have to catch up to us. I don't see it working any other way. He will NOT commit to us at this time, and trying to decide something 50:50 with a partner who is not committed is so frustrating, and if you don't like the outcome he will blame you. Just decide what you need to do, quietly inform him of the way it is going, and hope he eventually comes along. Do what is right for you, you have to.
Good luck! (from an exhausted SecondChance now dealing with all this stuff too).
P.S. You were right to postpone your second meet-up, though you need not apologize to him, it won't stop him from coming later anyways! I try to be 100% as much as possible when H is coming around, otherwise I don't want to see him. Makes him better see how we are getting it together (which we really are alot of the times and days) and there is no point AT ALL in him seeing us when we are down, doesn't benefit anyone .
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