"I've read that before too, Bond, and I don't buy it. It goes to the heart of "I don't want to think of myself as being so easily controlled" kind of a thing"
To the people I've talked to, it wasn't a matter of control. It was more a matter of their own dignity. They thought if their spouses would have told everyone their story (immediate family was okay) they would have been too ashamed to come back.
They felt that they knew what they did was wrong and were too ashamed to go back to the LBS and in many cases even purposely acted mean or pushed them away because it was easier to be angry than face the shame.
It's possible. But we (BSs or former BSs) also used to always think -- and say -- "I could never stay in a marriage if my husband/wife had an affair."
And yet we did.
I guess my point it, one can always say "Oh, I would NEVER do thus-and-such!" or "Thus-and-such would NEVER work with ME!" Me, I'd rather be a careful student of the human condition, and note what WORKS, rather than what people SAY.
