Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

Thanks for sharing that list. Do you all see how far down the list "recommitment" is? All those other things need to come first, however, most LBH's want the promise of recommitment first. That was the stumbling block for me b/c when H & I were trying to talk, he kept saying that she wanted me to commit to our M 100% and see me working at it. It brought up old resentments b/c I felt that I had been the only one working at it all our M life. I was tired, confused, and ready to walk out the door and he wanted me to promise recommitment. That is when I told him that I was not at that point yet. I had to be willing "to be willing" and it takes time for the WAW to get there. Making the decision that she will stay in the M is her first step. IDK, but for some WA's it may be that they get up each day and decide just for that day they will stay. One day at a time until things start to slowly get better.

Coming out of the fog helps sooooo much. I was not out ofthe fog when I made my decision to drop the contact with OM, so I had a long way to go. However, making that decision had to be done "first". It does no good to say one is going to decide to stay in a M if they don't stop an A.

After the A stops, then the WA has to go through grieving, lonliness, depression,etc. It really sucks and the LB is hurt if they do not understand this process b/c they feel the WA should love them and not be grieving over OP. It isn't always just the OP....but the dream castle in their minds. That was my ordeal. I wanted to be happy and I thought OM could give me what I needed. Facing my reality was the last thing I wanted b/c I had dealt with the stinking reality for too many years and I was sick of it. So, it's hard for everyone concerned.