I truly believe he has a deep love for me still and is medicating himself with her, plus he thinks of himself as a good person so he is talking M with her, etc... to justify what he's doing. He's afraid of rejection with me and afraid of failing, so he's running off to a new R with a new partner. I should mention that (I'm so ashamed) I was the OW in his first M. I didn't really know what was happening, it all happened so fast, but he told me he was sleeping on the couch, their M had been over for years and he had already asked for a D. I believed him thoroughly. I was very young, but now I'm ashamed looking back and seeing it for what it was. I had the good sense to tell him that I wanted him to finish D and see other women before he settled on me, but not the good sense to follow up on that request. However, I guess we were one of the "lucky" ones as our M has been mostly good and filled with love, and we have so much in common, even all these years later.
I want to believe because he's such an emotional person that Retro will "reach" him wherever he's hiding. I think I'll go dark for a while - as much as possible as we live together. I just need time to digest, having the Retro thing hanging over us now is like a deadline, and as you all know, this stuff takes time and patience and detaching. Kind of hard when you have this big ax hanging over your head.
Yes, I absolutely have evidence. I logged onto his work email and have all the emails. She obsesses about me, always asking how I'm handling things - under the pretense of course of being concerned for my feelings. It's laughable. I was able to sit with MIL for sometime this morning and read some of them out loud and laugh. She says he's acting like a 17 year old. OW of course says that her M is bad and OWH is more like a friend to her. The kicker is that she works in computers and isn't smart enough to tell him to change his password #1, and #2, she has a degree in psychology and still doesn't know about these affair chemicals in her brain. FIL said it's like the space between stupid just got closer. Anyway, DH is planning a wedding apparently because he has a folder set up in his email for that - but there's nothing in there. LOL - they've been "together" for about 4-6 weeks from what I can see.
