I told her that I would not compete for her with other men...
I'm not sure this is really the message you meant to send.
Unless of course you had already decided to end the marriage.
One of the foundational ideas of DB'ing your marriage is to work on yourself to make yourself the more attractive choice.
That sounds like a competition of sorts to me.
Yes, but it should be an UNCOMMUNICATED competition. I think it's perfectly acceptable (and usually advisable) to state your own boundary of "I will not compete for you with other men." But that's gotta BE your real boundary. If it's not, then don't communicate it.
I think the best approach to DBing, when there is infidelity involved, is to absolutely let the cheating spouse know up front that you refuse to live in an open marriage. And then you set about to working on yourself, fixing those things that are LEGITIMATE (not affair fog-induced) marital complaints. But these should be things that you are doing to make yourself a better person, for this marriage or a subsequent relationship if this marriage doesn't work out.
