I exposed my wife's affair, ended it within three months, and my wife and I reconciled nearly three years ago.
Puppy
With all due respect Puppy, it wasn't as clear cut as that and I think your synopsis gives a slightly false impression.
I know it would take too long for you to explain everything here, but you have had a hard long road to travel and from what I know of your sitch 'proper' reconciliation has taken a long time and huge amounts of hard work on your part.
I think what a lot of posters don't understand is that 'busting' the A is just the start of the long hard road.
It is a "long hard road" whichever fork you take, Saffie. One can either sit passively, do the "Little Bo-Peep" thing, and after a year or two (or three, or more), IF their self-esteem is still intact and their family's finances aren't totally drained, hope that once the OM/OW dumps their cheating spouse, they can work on their marriage. And they'll STILL have all that hard work left to do.
Or they can choose to bust the affair aggressively, and begin the tough work of reconciliation much, much sooner.
