How can you go to Retrouvaille if your H is still involved with OW? I thought they didn't accept couples on the course when an OP was still involved.
IMO you need to expose to OW's H as soon as possible but there is a risk if you start exposing before Retrouvaille, that your H may refuse to go because he will be so angry.
Don't ask others to keep secrets for you. It puts them in compromosing positions, splits loyalties, and you never know if they really will keep your confidence.
Be straight, clear, and honest in what you do and try not to put others who are innocent parties in difficult positions by asking them to make choices between you and your H. If you reconcile you may find you have lost those friends forever.
However, exposing is different. Just do it in the most effective way you can, if that is what you choose to do, but be aware that you can never be sure what the outcome will be. Exposure does not guarantee the end of the A or even if the A ends, it does not guarantee return of your H.
That said, I do believe A's thrive in secrecy and exposure sure takes the shine of them usually. It tends to make the partners having the A suddenly have to face the reality of their actions.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
