Looking for help with WAW

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I believe when a WAW reconciles with her H, he has to be prepared to take things in very small baby steps. If the two of you can talk about her feelings and how she wants to approach certain things in the R then that would be good, but everyone can't or doesn't do that.

Making the decision to go back into the M will be huge for her and even if she has good intentions of trying to be a good W and work at the M, I believe that it is still hard for a lot of WAW's b/c they are having to deal with some hard personal issues within themselves. So, you need to let her kind of guide the pace of things. In many ways, I think you have to continue the DBing until the MR is healty again.
Giving her space and not doing things to pressure her. Not asking her a lot of questions (taking temputure of the R). Some LBH's may want to spend a lot of time and have closeness in order to assure them that the WAW is going to remain, but that puts pressure on her. I strongly advise that you wait for her to lead the way about physical affection and having sex. I would not push her at all in the beginning, especially. Unless she never showed signs of warming to you, then MC would probably be in order. I don't know how she is but most women need to feel good about the M in order to want to ML......JMHO. So, it will take time for her to start to relax and start feeling attraction.

Keep the home atmosphere as light as possible. Watch funny movies and stay away from watching things about M problems, affairs, etc. That causes akwardness, for sure. Just try to stay exposed to positive things (friends, etc.) and be as charming & attractive as you can......but remember not to ever let her take her bad mood out on you b/c that would be starting out on the wrong foot.

It is not easy by no means, and every couple is different in their own way. Some R's heal a lot faster than others and they can get back into the normal swing of things. Just don't expect it to happen all at once. Baby steps all the way.

Very good points here sandi. I have had 8 phone sessions with a coach and during one session she told me about the "reconciliation process" There are four stage:

1. Dust settling- Understanding the situation and her feelings.
2. Friendship - not dating, being active with the kids
3. Romance- dating, sex, and R talk.
4. Recommitment to M.

She told me they must follow in that order, if you skip a phase or go too fast, the R will not be healed.

I do think the pace is up to the WAW. All the LBS can do is be patient and let things develop as they may.

In my sitch, W offering to take time off from work so I could go on my annual fishing trip is a sign of friendship. I am not reading into it too much, but it is a baby step for her. In fact this is the FRIENDLY jesture she has shown me and it has been almost 8 months since the bomb.

Keep the positive changes going, it is a long, bumpy road.