Besides your wife's PTSD...what was day to day life like?
I use to describe it to her this way. 95% of the time it was great. We did a lot of stuff together. During football season I'd would wake up and ask her "Hey what's today?" She'd say "it's Game Day!" We like to do the same kinda stuff. We would kayak. Go trail hiking. take the dog on walks together. She was not disrespectful or mean to me unless we were fighting when she had been drinking, then the gloves would come off. That's the other 5% which was hell. I could come home and she'd be almost done with a bottle of wine. We would go out and she'd get crazy. She'd go out without me and get into trouble. Not with other men that I know of. Just irresponsible behavior. She got arrested twice.
I responded by trying to control everything and coming down with a heavy hammer on her. That's when I lost myself trying to fix it. As I have said you either leave, get consumed by the behavior or you detach. The first means leaving your marriage and all the pain and regret. The second is not healthy for you or them. The third gives the opportunity to fix yourself and maybe they fix themsleves when you take the pressure off and become the strong person, not just the most assertive.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
