Question

[awest1217]

I agree CTH. H has never committed to me...ever so I really am ok with the D.

Right now I really need advice. I am not sleeping well at all. I haven't slept well for a week. I thought it was a cold, but even now, I am up and S is still sleeping. I should be getting some extra sleep. I have been having some vivid dreams and when they are over am up. Today's was I was walking down the stairs and OW is in my house. My sister was here and let her in which is odd because my sister hates her. Anyway OW is on the phone with my MIL telling her how messed up H is. In the dream, H has moved on to another woman (another coworker I know), and OW is trying to tell MIL how messed up H is. OW's phone dies and we start talking like friends about how H needs help and is messed up. Then MIL, FIL, H's brothers, OW, and my family are all in my living room. I tell my in-laws they are going to lose their son because he is going to commit suicide because he is depressed. They say no and how it is all my fault and OW's fault and that their son is perfectly fine. I tell them how he always says he is unhappy, hates his life, hates everything and won't even see his S. I tell them that I have put seeing S in his hands again and this time I am not going to push him like I have in the past so it is his fault they haven't seen him and he hasn't seen S. They just kept saying it is his life and there is nothing wrong. THen I woke up...AAHHH!!!!

Not all my dreams are about H, actually he is always in them, but not a main part. Yesterday's was about easter and me running like a mad woman trying to help with the easter play.

My question is what can I do to get some sleep? I am sure I know why I dream what I dream, but how can I stop it. For example, last night I drove past my in-law's on the way home because it was a shorter way. H wasn't there and my MIL was sitting in the window playing the wii. I am pretty sure H hasn't stayed the night at his parents at all. (Gut instinct and it is usually right), but I have no idea where he is staying. Maybe OW's, but her H is home and I don't think he would be ok with it again. I don't know, and last night was the first time I found out H wasn't where he was supposed to be and didn't get angry or upset or sad. It was just like oh well...normal so the dream is probably my mind putting that all together and the fact that I am not upset about H not being at his parent's and maybe not at OW's brings up a new girl.

How can I stop this? I really am not thinking about him much. I did yesterday because of church and it was one year ago on that service where my core found out there were some major issues going on. Then thinking about how this Thursday is the one year of him moving out. It was a lot for the emotional service we had to end solemn assembly. Besides that, I don't obsess over him like I did before. I don't text him when he doesn't contact me. I don't really care about where he is except to hope he is ok, but last year or even a few months ago I would text him to make sure he was ok, but now I am worried about him, but not enough to find anything out. I just don't know. HELP!?!?!?