She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Do I even bring up the fact that I know she was planning this before I left? I know I'm going to want to mention this at some point, but will it set me back.

What's your intention for doing this? I say it's a 'rub your face into shite' kind of move? What would it benefit you or your family?

I was chatting with my D14 last night and she mentioned that my W had told her at one point that our problems were not fixable. How do you tell a 14 year old that.

Don't believe anything they say. She will say all kinds of shite. What would you think she would say? Oh, our problems are fixable, but I don't want to stay. (Wow that makes me look a selfish, callous, biatch. I guess I can't even entertain that thought at all lest I be called a homewrecker)

My W looked into her crystal ball and told me, "I know we could never have a husband/wife kind of relationship." lol Of course not. The wife half isn't there anymore...lmao.

She tells your daughter that to assuage her guilt. They don't care who they step on to feel better. She tells your daughter that in an attempt to convince your daughter things are not fixable. If she can get everyone to believe that, then they will agree with her - obviously if it ain't fixable, then it needs to be thrown out. So if everyone believes that, then no one will question her, they will all be behind her and she won't have to experience any guilt.

They build up a fantasy where their knight in shining armor swoops in and puts them on the white horse. They get to keep the house and the money, both families get along better than they ever did, you and her become best buddies, and she finds a relationship with absolutely no problems....LMAO.

Chase that rainbow. Just make sure you top off the tank first.

My D14 sees that I'm trying, but she's telling me not to carry on with this if it's so painful. How can my D really want me to give up. She sees how hard I'm trying to do the right things, and she respects me for that.

This crap really hurts.

Now slap yourself in the face. One more time. Yes it hurts, yes it sucks. Feel it, then let it go. Your daughter is only 14 and she's going to be very confused. She's going to say things off the cuff, things she doesn't mean but she feels in this moment. Just reassure her you will always be there for her.

Validate her too. Most of the time kids just want to know you understand what they are feeling and why they are feeling it.

Like it was mentioned before - don't slam your spouse to your D. Your W will likely do it to you. Don't use them as pawns or as a means to 'slip' some information to your W.