She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[steady]

Here's another question. When I get home and we finally have our talk, she's going to bring up finances. She's going to blame me for the fact that we're not where she'd like to be financialy.

Yup. You can pretty much count on her blaming you for everything. Including how long the winter lasted and the amount of rain that came down. But it will only be bad things you get to be blamed for.

We live well, have allot of things, but savings is scarce.

She's brought up money to others and she blames me. Last time I checked everything we have is in both our names, so obviously we both bought the stuff. Unfortunately, things have come up that we've had to use savings for. Her self employment went under, she's been fired three times.

Obviously where we're at or not at financialy isn't all my fault. My question would be, how do you validate that one when she brings it up?

You don't validate it just as robx has said. You don't validate bullshite when it doesn't match the facts. The thing you validate are things that are perspectives that can be seen from their point of view. Here's an example:

I feel like you were never here for me - "Yes. There were times I wasn't there for you. I feel bad about that and I'm working on being a better me."

You spent $5,000 in the past month. (you didn't) - "No I didn't. Can you show me where that number came from"

The reason we have no money is your fault. - Can you show me how you think it's my fault?

The thing is, you can't prove or disprove someone else's feelings. Feelings aren't facts, they're just feelings. Whether they are justifiable or not is a different story. So it makes no sense to argue with a feeling. This you validate. Validation doesn't mean you believe it. It just means you see they believe it.

If you see what they are feeling is true, then you apologize, you change yourself, you move on.

You need to pick and choose the battles. But don't let her feed you bs without calling her on it. Believe me, I made that mistake for too long...and it didn't help me at all.