I am so very sorry to hear you also suffered from a panic disorder. It really is so terrifying. Please chime in when you can, it's always helpful when we can share (if you are comfortable doing so!).
CG
Your post about the hallway "safe spot" and not being able to go to the supermarket brought back some memories for sure! I think "terrifying" is an understatement, it is so frightening to be *that* out of control of your life. I had it bad back when I was about 22. I got to the point where I couldn't make a 3 mile drive to a friends house without having a panic attack (hyperventillating is fun isn't it!). I came very close to being home-bound. I was diagnosed with panic disorder with agorophobia.
Luckily, I decided that I could not live like that and got into therapy and it worked really well for me. I was able to pretty much get past the panic disorder but remained anxious. I did not have panic attacks at all for the next 18 years.
Fast-forward to last year and I started getting major panic attacks while out bike riding. I was shocked to be having them again and knew something must be seriously wrong for me to be having them. In retrospect, I had been worried about my W spending time with a male "friend" at the time and it wasn't long after my panic attacks returned that my W dropped the bomb. I think my sub-conscious mind knew something was seriously wrong with my R way before I was able to see it.
That's where your "safe place" idea kinda hit home for me. I think my relationship with my W was my safe place and the deterioration of the R took that away.
When I started having the panic attacks again, I noticed a started avoiding the areas of my bike rides where they occurred. Classic avoidance! I did my first ride of the year today and purposely went to my "unsafe spots" to face them head-on. I had no problems at all so I know I am back to a better place!
I am sorry you have had to go through this too. It is an incredibly scary experience and you had to face it under much more trying circumstances. One thing I have learned in my life is that I will never be without fear. However, I will never let it rule my life. I will just feel it and keep walking through it!
