I have a slight confession also...I do not feel the love that I had for my husband before. I know that if we weren't married I would just walk away at this point (I guess I have walked away physically but held on emotionally). I don't feel like he can be the type of man that I want in my life. I was holding out hope that he could be but I just don't see it anymore. I actually feel like at any moment I could snap on him and all the things that I have been holding in trying to understand him and not rock the boat are gonna explode and come out of me if he says anything stupid or selfish to me. I just feel like I don't care how he reacts and that he needs to be told about himself ONE good time.
This is a very interesting passage...
THIS passage is classic wayward thinking.
THIS is the attitude your H picked up for YOU YEARS ago... NOW you are just getting caught up.
I have a theory, it's mine I have never read this anywhere so bear with me, that divorce busting doesn't get effective until the LBS becomes wayward as well.
By this I mean they get to a state of mind where the following is in effect :
1. They don't want divorce, but they aren't afraid of it. 2. They love their spouse, but they don't want to be around them 3. They put their health and safety first before the happiness of their spouse 4. They have discovered a great deal of anger and the spouse is the target of choice 5. They are willing to withold information from their spouse to protect themselves 6. They ENJOY the time they have when their spouse is not around
I think spouses really have a lot more personal power once they get to this stage, one you are describing above. This stage is not all that different from what the WS thinks or behaves like.
The key difference is that you got there gradually while fighting for your marriage, so you have CONTROL over this while the WS doesn't.
It is good to see. I am happy to see when people reclaim thier dignity, and to my mind this is a big part of the fight when you fight for your marraige. You don't just fight your spouse's doubts or thier indifferece, you have to fight for your dignity too... because the WS is walking all over you the whole time.
