SR...you have got to get a grip and get off the emotional merry-go-round. FM could not have said it better!
I understand the temptation to let the mind wander. After discovering my ex had the OM sleep over in our home while I was out of town taking care of some business, I spent two weeks trying to get the image of them "getting it on" in our bed out of my mind. It spun around in there like it was caught in a feedback loop and nearly drove me to insanity.
What I did was tackle a home improvement project that really required skill and thought and then invited people over to see it when it was complete. I did the invite long before I was near completing the project. This served two purposes. First, it gave me something to occupy my mind. I couldn't make progress on the project if I was obsessing about "them". Second, it put me on a time schedule. I now had a deadline to beat so I couldn't just blow it off. Sure, it's a contrived solution to the problem, but it did work.
That's not to say I never think about it any more. Even all these years later, it still pops into my head under unusual (and generally unexpected) circumstances and it still hurts like @#&%#. But it broke me out of the obsessive feedback loop.
There is a whole part of your D6's life that is now outside of your control (and largely outside your influence) and there's nothing you can do about it. The sooner you come to terms with that the better. You might consider some individual counseling to help you get a handle on letting go. While it's hard to do...especially when it seems like everything else is spinning out of control...it's imperative that you make progress on this, both for your own sanity and for the benefit of the R (if one is still possible).
Good luck. It saddens me to see you so torn up and angry (though I fully understand both).
