The dreaded LIMBO

[4luv]

I know guys :-) Thx for the feedback! I think I had a FEW too many drinks during the wine tasting and at dinner last night. I didn't call him, he continued to text...I was too tired to even think about responding to any of his texts last night. Then he called again this afternoon. I answered this time and listened for about 3 minutes but put him on hold enough times that he got frustrated. After my last time of putting him on hold, I said "actually, I am really busy right now so I will talk to you another time." And for a quick second, I thought about calling him back but NOT GONNA DO IT :-) I don't even wanna talk to him. Oh, and then he tells me that he wants to come see our son next weekend for Easter but he is not going to church. Oh, and during the convo his best friend apparently gave him a pep talk last night and told husband that loosing that job will be the best thing because he hasn't been the same since he started working there. (BTW, this is EXACTLY what I told husband in the few couseling sessions we went to and counselor suggested that husband should change jobs first to see if that made him feel better rather than giving up his marriage as a way to feel better).

I have a slight confession also...I do not feel the love that I had for my husband before. I know that if we weren't married I would just walk away at this point (I guess I have walked away physically but held on emotionally). I don't feel like he can be the type of man that I want in my life. I was holding out hope that he could be but I just don't see it anymore. I actually feel like at any moment I could snap on him and all the things that I have been holding in trying to understand him and not rock the boat are gonna explode and come out of me if he says anything stupid or selfish to me. I just feel like I don't care how he reacts and that he needs to be told about himself ONE good time. Matter of fact, if he comes to me with some sob story I really wanna let him have it and say GROW THE F&#K UP and stop feeling sorry for yourself!! I usually vent here but I feel like I never REALLY told him a piece of my mind...which is what I would have done in the past. I think that me being "nice" has been a REAL TURN off not only for myself but for my husband as well. Ever since I didn't break up him for the UTLIMATE betrayal of cheating on me while we were dating and getting another girl pregnant, I think that was the point husband lost respect for me. I thought that I was turning over a new leaf and although hurt (and yes I still yelled and screamed) I showed forgiveness and compassion and prayed to God to get us through this after husband (boyfriend at the time) showed so much remorse. But I guess my kindness was taken for weakness.