I had a very disturbing morning when I picked up the kids from my house. My H had put away all our wedding pics that were in our bedroom. And the bedroom was very clean. I had the very strong feeling that he had someone in our bed with him last night. I also found out that the kids had stayed the night at friends, so he didn't have them last night )-: I asked him if he had thought anymore about sharing the house, which was best for the kids. And he said "It's not best for me"!!!! Again, only thinking of himself. I didn't react, that is when I left. I was so close to screaming at him.
I was on the verge of freaking out, but I didn't. I left with the kids as soon as I could and went straight to my friends house (where I have been staying). I had my melt down there. I'm ok now, and I'm around people who love anc care for me.
I've decided I'm taking my house back. My H has said that I can have it, and that is just what I'm going to do. He want's to ruin his life and his family that's going to be on him. I'm going to keep as much of mine and my kids life as possible. And with what he will have to pay me, I will be able to afford the house. And I have lots of family and friend that will help me with the upkeep.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
If he openly maintains his stubborn selfish position even to the detriment of his own children he just makes your decisions much easier for you.
You are learning to control your feelings in dealing with him and this is going to be to your benefit later.
As long as you stick close to your friends and your children your husband ten years from now is going to be very alone and very miserable... and you do NOT want to be part of that.
He may change his tune some time over that time span, but until then you are best raising your family and your home without relying on his involvement. He really is making your choices EASY... its hard to feel sympathy or guilt for him when he behaves selfishly... so you CAN be objective about him.
His selfishness will one day eat him alive... You don't want to be around for that fallout... distance yourself as much as possible from that.
good job handling what had to be a disappointing situation. Allen is right...your husband is going to wake up one day and the fallout from his selfish decisions will eat him alive. I already see it with my husband. My husband was all ready to start his bachelor lifestyle with a new apartment but now may be on the verge of not having a job. The only good thing about their behavior is what Allen said...IT MAKES OUR DECISIONS EASY!!
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
BOTH of you need to be STRONG for yourselves especially when that fallout happens... they will come to you to USE you.
Do NOT even SPEAK to them until a commitment from them is believable...
I am not giving up on either of these guys, but until they GROW UP you both need to just keep your distance from them and do NOT let them USE you for ANYTHING
It ended up being a good day yesterday and today with the kids. After I was able to calm down from the shock of yesterday morning's meeting with my H, I did pretty good the rest of the night.
My friend is taking the kids back to my H tonight, so that I don't have to see him or go in my house where I'm sure he had someone again last night.
H texted me last night: "How are you doing with the kids? I was thinking of going to get the easter stuff". I replied: "Yes"
Then he called me a couple of hours ago to inform me he had gotten all the easter stuff except for clothes. I said ok, and that I would get the clothes for the kids. Then he said, "I just wanted you to know so we didn't double buy". I just said ok, bye.
I'm not sure when I'm going to inform him that I've decided I do want to keep the house. I think I'm going to wait a little while. I plan on calling the mortgage company tomorrow to see if they will work with on my payment.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
mb 28 - not sure how it works where you are but where I am (I'm a banker) I wouldn't recommend telling the bank your h and you aren't together until you re-work your payments.
M 40 W 39 D 4 M 5 years Bomb dropped 08/09 In house separation
I've started reading "Not Just Friends", wow it's like it was written about my H!
Had a pretty good day today. I had my friend take my kids home to my H so that I didn't have to see him (-: She didn't see him either, just made sure he was home when the kids went it. She is so mad at him, she doesn't want anything to do with him either.
I'm not sure how to handle telling my H that I've decided I do want to keep the house. I've thought about just waiting until the weekend after next when I will have the kids again. He will be out of town for 4 days over that weekend. So I will be staying at the house. When he gets home, I thought about telling him that I decided to stay, and not leave. Any suggestions on how I should handle this one? By the way, my H has said several times that he wants me to keep the house.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Thanks Allen, Yes I have several days to think of something. I won't see him again until Tuesday. And even than I don't have to say anything at that time.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
