There is so much up there I don't know where to start. First I want you to go back to the beginning of your thread and read EVERYTHING.
Then go here http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340#Post1966340. This is in MLC and its about what we are doing here and why someone would decide to stand up for their marriage. The biggest thing IMO is that you don't want to avoid or be a victim of the circumstance for which your marriage fails. You seek the truth IN YOURSELF.
That means looking in the mirror and owning up to some things about you and your choices that have contributed to where you are today.
IMO what you wrote above are not your truths they are H's If he got bored with an on the ball, successful, beautiful, strong, secure woman that's HIS F'ing problem not yours.
Quote:...it has been so long since his A started..I don't know how much of his craziness to attribute to his A- enough lying, cheating, guilt could crack anyone?? There were always times of depression and strange moods..but I was OK with dealing with those because they were a very small part of our lives. In the past year or so..it was not at all healthy.
You are rewriting history here and making excuses for him.
quote: I have been reading on the other post about what men look for in a woman..I think once they have what they want..they get bored.
This is not true Lola. Men who are behaving and living dysfunctionally behave this way. Do you want a man who blames you for his boredom? Do think a man who takes responsibility for his own f*ckups behaves this way or thinks this way? A healthy man does not do this and a healthly woman won't put up with this. She cares too much about herself.
Quote:I think I was boring because I was predictable..everything ran like a well oiled machine. So I guess another lesson here that I got from my book...Men don't necessarily want perfect...they want interesting. I kind of lost myself..my spunk because I was so busy keeping everything together.
As MC and I have been saying you do LOSE yourself in this kind of relationship. You were acting more like his mother than his wife. I am only saying I know I have a 38 year old child living in my former residence that I don't even have visitation rights for right now.
Your old M is over and the only way a new one can be made (with H or someone else) is for you to get healthy. Go through this process.
Think how all this stuff got stirred up again. What happened? H called you and now you're on the ride again.
YOU should be your focus. Not H. Not talking to H about relationship. Not whether H has clean underwear. Worry about YOU. You don't have time or space in your head for anything else but YOU. When you begin to do this the fog will begin to lift and you will see things more clearly.
You probably won't read this until tomorrow. I hope you had fun in the city tonight.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
