I'm chiming in with Gineen on this one. You have seen this before. He will be the guy you wanted to be married to for now. He will pull you back in. Please, set your boundaries and keep them strong!
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
donna, wasn't sure what I said to make you apprehensive, was it about the pool getting fixed? or about his being a good dad all the sudden? just wanted to clarify.
SO2, I would definitely agree that you need to be more careful. don't just keep answering everything now, you can't be wishy washy either, although I think because of his actions, you can reciprocate more and not shut him off completely.
hopefully this is a new turn for him, but who knows when the next lady walks in his life...then that will be the real proof.
be nice, but keep your distance too. I think that was good to be talking to your friends while he was there. try to do more of that so your not always around him.
and for him fixing things. good for him. he should be doing that, and you don't owe him anything, unless your paying for parts.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I know you guys. Now that baby's bday is officially over we won't have the need to see eachother as much.
Yesterday was an interesting day. Wonderful day with her party and her special day, but very interesting.
As my FB friends can see I put my status of it being baby's bday yesterday. One of the comments was from exh's exw1 who used to be a good friend of mine when exh and I were together. I haven't really seen her since we split. Maybe once or twice.I was shocked to see her comment on my status.
Then a bit later my phone rings and its HER! I just let it go to VM and she left a nice message telling me how she wanted to wish baby a happy birthday and what a good mom I am and how she commended me for doing it alone and doing such a good job. She said I was always in her thoughts even though we don't talk much. Wow! Where did that come from? I did mention it to exh that exw1 called and left me a nice vm!
So then the party was great for baby. Exh bbq for all the kids and he and I. I will post pics on FB in a bit. I realized I need to get myself looking better. I am not usually in pics but I need to shed a few pounds! Anyway, it was good. Baby loved it. My family and his family came for cake and presents and all was good.
His brother who was a former addict and has been sober for over a year came last night and kept telling me that he is working on exh that he better do something or he will die. I didn't know what to say. Finally I said "I am his exw, he divorced us. All I can really care about is how it affects baby." His brother said that exh is a miserable person and he medicates and does bad things because he is miserable. Funny, the brother even told my mom the same stuff about exh. I am sure exh was dying the whole time.
It was also exh's birthday too and it was handeled well. A few birthday wishes, but the main focus was on baby.
Ok, baby's bday is over. Going to pull in the reins a bit. Not sure how, without being a rude person. I do like getting along with him, but I know my feelings are creeping. Not good.
Last edited by Startingover2; 03/25/1012:43 PM.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Oh I know and I have already pulled away. He asked us earlier to go to his d15's meet today out of town. I said that now that baby's bday is over we can get back to normal..he asked what that was and I said a coparent relationship. He just said 'whatever, if that is what you want." I said I did.
Yes, the day was fun for everyone and it was nice and I did get caught up. But...that is over. Back to normal.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
sounds good. I don't think you need to be rude either, you can still be polite and this is best for him as well.
I remember when his bro was really sick and stopped drinking...hopefully he will listen to him. can't believe he told your mom too, did exh actually hear this? surely not?
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
You are doing very good. You don't give in. but I think it's time to take it one step further. Tel him if he can't drop off the check when it is his visit time, then he can start mailing it. There is no reason for him to hand deliver his CS check. he can put it in the mail to have it arrive on the due date like the rest of the world.
SORRY GabbyMom and S2, but I say "screw the mail". Have it automatically deducted and put into your account on a given day every month. Period. Stop this nonsense and preventable drama. It's insane to put up with it --don't get sucked in. At the very least, tell him this is the last time you'll accept it late and he is in NO position to insist you be present for his personal OFF SCHEDULE visit and check drop off. Screw that!! I"m sorry but the only thing crazier than this pathetic man's self centered crazy ways, is allowing it....
Your exH's head is soooo big it's going to explode. None of his business whether or not you are "that" busy. He can't be "that busy" that he can see his daughter for like 10 min a week.
He is out of control and needs to realize this word does not revolve around him and his schedule. I would seriously tell him to mail the check. It is very simple. Come see your baby when your visiting hours are and put the check in the mail. The end. He is like a friggin todder.
At least toddlers are not evil. Your h is close to that, in my eyes. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but he's got to win the "loser" award of late. You deserve so much more from life. He is only suffering the consequences of what he has done.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I concur with 25 - dont let this drunk womanizing drama king loser back into your life.
At the minimum, the CS should be auto transferred from his account to yours. But since he has flaked out before, it is time for the state to deal with the collection.
I concur with 25 - dont let this drunk womanizing drama king loser back into your life.
I am going to paste that phrase on my forehead!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have pulled back and getting back to normal. I had baby's last little party yesterday and if I see a cupcake anytime soon I will flip out!
Exh has been ok. Trying to be around more, but thankfully I haven't had to make many excuses as we are so busy these past few days I have barely had time to return texts. Its best this way that we keep the distance. Feelings are still way too shakey for me and its just a matter of time before he gets a new gf and flies the coop again anyway.
MGF followed me out of the grocery store and back to my house last night. She was parked across the parking lot in her car watching me and then I watched as I went home and she followed me past exh's street and to my neighborhood. She is making me uncomfortable. I haven't said anything to exh about that yet, and not sure if I will. Hope she just goes away.
Lots going on this weekend. We have 3 birthday parties tomorrow at the exact same time! Going to try and make 2 of them. Why can't they be spread out more?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
