Mr. Bond, whoa! I hope that my presence here doesn't offend you. Dialogue is always good. I should read the book, sure, that's true. (I'm heading to the bookstore tonight, so I'll probably pick it up.) But I don't think I'm as far off this site's philosophy as you may think.
But to answer your question, am I interested in "saving" my M? I am interested in focusing on myself right now. That's what GAL is, right? I'm not obsessing over things that I can do or not do to influence him.
I think it is possible that if I do everything just right, he will come back. BUT I don't want to do everything right for that reason. I want to do everything right because it is best for me, I'll be happiest. Also, I want him to be back with me based on his own conviction. I think my WH is actually quite a follower, and I want him to discover on his own what he will be committed to.
I fear reconciliation and then another abandonment because he wasn't in it fully. And I will do a lot to make sure that doesn't happen. And that may be where I'm not fully DBing.
TeleDad, it's a question that I never really thought of before this all happened-- do I believe in M? I guess I don't believe you can make someone else stay in one. You can try. Or you don't have to. You can make reconciliation worse. (I definitely agree with a lot of MWD's no-nos.) But you can maintain not making it worse and then try to genuinely move on!
"When you GAL you may find you enjoy life again and stop obsessing over you M. I'm trying to do this myself. Easier said than done. At present I'm in the "Fake it til you make it" faze." I like that you said this. I think sometimes I'm faking it, and sometimes it's real. And sometimes I wish I didn't have to be doing it at all.
But anyway, thanks for writing. This is a support system, and it is a place to share experiences and advice. As you can see above, being on this website did change my actions. So feel free to call me out on stuff. I don't mind.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
