I was just wandering around this site and stumbled upon your story. I read the first two and last two pages of this thread because 17 is a lot.
Your H sounds soooooo confused. Take comfort in what you've got-- he's a bit jealous, he does love you-- and go home and embrace your new life! When do you leave?
This cruise is interesting. You should be leaving pretty soon for it, I think! I actually think you should try to be as separate as you can be during the cruise. I don't know what your plans are, but even if you could get different rooms or something. . . then just enjoy the crap out of that trip!
I hope you can really enjoy this time of rejuvenation as much as you can. I know it will be hard, but I suspect you'll definitely feel some relief to get away from him and the sitch. You'll feel a surprising peace. That's what happened to me, at least!
I'll also let you know that after 3 weeks of complete "darkness" my WH expressed to his family missing me, loving me, blah blah blah. But still wants to be divorced. I do credit the complete NC to him getting that far. It could happen for you, too. Not that everything will be over then, but NC causes things to happen.
Good luck to you!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
