How do I act?

[Surviving03]

Yeah aces... honestly, right now... i could forgive him and stay committed to this marriage 100% if he did a 180 on me right now and stayed... but the hard cold reality is, he isnt going to do that. And anticipating what he will be doing in the coming months, i cant promise i could forgive that and stay together. I think for us its hard, because yes i do take my vows very seriously and want more than anything else to honor them and keep them forever....but i feel like since we have only been together for 2 years and since we dont have any kids, i question all the time am i just being stupid here and should I just let it go? the military aspect of all this, the moving he will be doing soon, and then going back on deployments or whatnot, i just feel like EVERYTHING works against me and it just will never be.

I asked him today, if me leaving is more of a seperation for him or a straight path to divorce... and he said more of a seperation because anything could happen between now and august when he files the papers... i said that i think the difference is a state of mind, if we are going to "seperate" than i think thats more of a mind set of we will see how it goes and see if we want to get back together.... not the same as a straight path to divorce but always knowing that anything could happen... cause i think we would act different if we knew we were just taking time to see, rather than waiting on papers... but he said that he cant expect me to just sit around and wait... and not date if it comes up... i guess i am just confused what he is thinking... i know that if he could have it his way, i would sit around and not date and just wait for him to fully decide, but he also acknowledges that he cant just expect me to sit back and put my life on hold... i dont know... i just know that i love him and i loved our life.... and this is the most difficult thing in the world