It is so confusing...it has been so long since his A started..I don't know how much of his craziness to attribute to his A- enough lying, cheating, guilt could crack anyone?? There were always times of depression and strange moods..but I was OK with dealing with those because they were a very small part of our lives. In the past year or so..it was not at all healthy.
My H told me last night that he thought I was strong. It would have been easier to leave him..and I chose to stick it out. I am going to take all of this very slow. My H does see the OW leaving his office as a fresh start. I guess I do too..although I haven't put as much weight on it. H is really concerned about facing friends and family after all of this. I told him that he will have to get out of his comfort zone and deal with the initial uncomfortableness of the situation. I also told him that if wants to be forgiven and acts that way..he will be forgiven.
It sounds so easy in theory and words. I guess I need to go into this optimistic...but perhaps I am not realistic. This is NOT an easy thing to overcome. I think initially it will be OK because it will be somewhat new again..so some excitement..and nerves. But eventually we will go back to day to day normal married life..than what? Marriage isn't easy..Will the craziness and messiness of the current situation my H created cause him to appreciate the stable and sometimes boring day to day life of a M man?
I know I am getting ahead of myself here..but I also would need to change the dynamics of our R. I did everything in our M..and didn't really mind it most of the time..but I think this allowed my H to feel less invested. He always was involved in the decisions etc..but he never had to do anything for me. I took care of myself. I have been reading on the other post about what men look for in a woman..I think once they have what they want..they get bored.
I used to make my H coffee and breakfast everyday..send him off with lunch..pick up dry cleaning..make sure his laundry was done. He would joke that he would only wear the same 2 pairs of underwear (I was very efficient with the laundry). I took care of all the finances, the dogs, planning activities with family and friends..and I have a career where I have been pretty much on the same pay scale with my H. I am a pretty girl who takes very good care of myself. I am in shape and do lots of activities. I have a lot of friends. I made sure my H was eating well.(I am obsessed with antioxidants)I would rarely turn down sex..I actually always had a higher sex drive than my H for the majority of our R. I think I was strong and confident..and like someone mentioned on the other post- some men tend to break you down brick by brick.
I think I was boring because I was predictable..everything ran like a well oiled machine. So I guess another lesson here that I got from my book...Men don't necessarily want perfect...they want interesting. I kind of lost myself..my spunk because I was so busy keeping everything together.
