WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

Feeling like this is an impossible sitch.. That he is lost forever in this MLC insanity. And that she is going to be crazy enough to get pregnant to keep him or some such thing.

I am so tired of handling things on my own.. financially, emotionally...my kids' emotions included... everything feels like it is on my shoulders and I just feel so tired and down...

I miss the man I married... I miss his strength.. his laugh.. his kindness...

This man is worlds away from him.. and it makes me so sad to watch him this way...

[Mila]

DG my heart does out to you, I know how much this hurts. The frustration and feelings of helplessness over the situation. Pour it all out, that's what this board is for.

Look at the positive - his relationship with the OW is cracking. They may go back and forth before they break-up for good. All you have to do is to stay on your course and watch.

Patience - nothing can change in your sitch while the OW is in the picture.

More Patience - even when it's over with OW it will take time for him to get over it. The breakup may trigger the next MLC stage. He is still not finished.

I look at it this way in my sitch. It helps me to stay sane. May work for you too.

Look up kissak's tread. It took 3 years for her H to come to his senses. They are piecing now. You may want to read the past few comments on my tread as well.

Sending (((hugs)))

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks Mila,

I keep waffling between feeling as if we are still meant to be together somewhere down the line and feeling like I'm fooling myself...

I don't trust my instincts when it comes to him since I allowed him to dupe me for a year with lies, manipulation and subtle intimidation because I had so much belief in him..

I guess my fear is I'm allowing that belief to cloud my judgement in my decision to stand for what H and I started so long ago...

I keep trying to refocus on myself instead, but I keep circling back to the question of if I'm fooling myself again...

Maybe that's another area I need to work on.. Learning how to "read" people as I've never been good at it and had blind faith in H.. the alternative would have been to be suspicious of everything, and I didn't want to be that way either..

Rough week I guess... It's hard to keep doing this when everyone outside the sitch feels you are clinging on to something dead and gone already.. They can't understand why I would even entertain the possibility of reconciling in the future..

Marriages seem to have become disposable... and the people involved in them get thrown away too...

I believed in what H and I felt all those years ago. We may not have had the tools to deal with conflict and communication in a healthy way because of how our childhoods affected us, but the feeling of love and connection was real...

[Mila]

DG, If I wanted to verbalize what goes on in my head, I would've written exactly what you put into words so well in your last post. It's actually unbelievable that we are different people but our minds go through the same process in regard of our situation.

[seeking answers]

DG and Mila, Those are the exact thoughts I have in my head about H and our sitch. Sometimes there is a glimmer of hope because of all that we meant to each other over the years. Then the doubts creep in and it seems hopeless that H will return.

I try not to give it a lot of head time but it's easier said than done.

[courageous wife]

Ditto girls! I have just been afraid to admit it!

[D Money]

Feeling like this is an impossible sitch.. That he is lost forever in this MLC insanity. And that she is going to be crazy enough to get pregnant to keep him or some such thing.

I am so tired of handling things on my own.. financially, emotionally...my kids' emotions included... everything feels like it is on my shoulders and I just feel so tired and down...

I miss the man I married... I miss his strength.. his laugh.. his kindness...

This man is worlds away from him.. and it makes me so sad to watch him this way...

I feel like I could have written this...except all the male references would be changed to female references.

Now's the time you need to dig a little deeper for patience. You can do this.

[flowmom]

I also resonate with your post DG. It's good that you can articulate your experience so clearly. My hope for reconciliation is growing less every day...though some part of me will want that for years (ever?).

[DiamondGirl]

So yesterday ended badly to say the least. I backslid huge in an email exchange (I know.. I know... Don't even bother with the 2x4s as I've already took one out for myself).

I was having such a rough day that I took out my frustration on H by email since he took a petty amount out of our account again. It was not worth the sadness I felt afterward... Especially after SIL contacted me about something later on and told me that H had said to her that he wanted to come home after he called me the night of the cop visit. Then apparently OW called him and they made up...

I tried to talk to him when he picked up the kids to apologize and tell him it was the result of a rough day... but he wouldn't talk to me at all.

SIL told me his day was rough too as he didn't have the $$ for gas to get to school... So I pretty much topped it...

SIL said that OW is very moody and lacks patience... and H is tired of arguing with her but she is the only one being nice to him at the moment with SIL2 still mad at him and showing it.. And I had given him a glimpse of my understanding of him, but now I email bombed it..

Good thing a change at work means I won't be on a computer as much...

[trustingfaith]

DG,

Don't be to hard on yourself. You apologized, whether he accepted it or not. You did your part. He made his bed and now he has to lie in it with OW, with finances, with SIL.

Maybe it would have been better not to send the email but it was done. Just put it behind you. Next time you feel the urge, type the email but DON'T send it. You can tell him how you feel without the fallout then.:)