Yes, I suspect that I have ADHD, and my S has ADHD. Hyperfocusing works really well for me sometimes, though it's not good for me to rely on that because I rarely have the kind of time windows where I can work an 8 hour day, for example. But really the problem for me is starting.
Hi Flowmom
I have followed your thread but never posted, however, the recent posts of yours and CG's have really resonated with me because I have struggled in the past with panic disorder and am currently seriously having problems with procrastination. For most of my career, I had problems with finishing things, however, lately I have been having trouble starting things which is out of character for me. I think my past troubles with finishing had to do with growing bored with whatever I was working with. I have come to realize my problem with starting is rooted in fear. For example, I hate public speaking and always wait until it is almost too late to prepare for a talk. However, I am actually good at public speaking so my fear is completely irrational and not starting just adds stress to my life. If you are struggling to start things, find what it is you are afraid of and challenge the assumptions that cause the fear.
I am so very sorry to hear you also suffered from a panic disorder. It really is so terrifying. Please chime in when you can, it's always helpful when we can share (if you are comfortable doing so!).
H watched a movie instead of coming over to tuck the kids in tonight (saw that on FB...sigh). I guess he is moving along with phasing out spending time with our kids in their home.
Meanwhile, tonight S6 asked if H was going to have dinner here tomorrow night . H hasn't eaten with us in almost 3 months. What the hell do I say to that?
Yes, kids get used to never seeing their parents in the same room. But I believe it breaks their sense of being in a family. D3 drew a picture with just me, S6, and her in it the other day.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the end of the M part. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. But the end of our family...it hurts so much.
Last edited by flowmom; 03/27/1006:16 AM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks for sharing your experience 12bar. It sounds like you've figured out a lot about what makes you tick. I think fear is part of it for me. Procrastination is a dysfunctional way of soothing myself.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the end of the M part. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. But the end of our family...it hurts so much.
Yes it does. It is a terrible loss. ((((Flo)))) you are already finding your way through this and you will be ok. Peace and strength to you today.
I'm trying to wrap my head around the end of the M part. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. But the end of our family...it hurts so much.
That's the hardest part FM. The farther you see into the future of your kids the harder it gets. I try not to think about the long term too much but sometimes it's hard not to. I just don't get how selfish the WAS's become they see none of this.
Even if not ideal in the end I know we'll all be OK.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
It was suggested to you a while back to stop looking at your H's FB page. It is not helping at all with the detachment process and you are speculating WHY he is doing what he is doing.
There are a million reasons (and your reason might be correct, who knows) why he chose to watch a movie rather than come over.
If your children are now spending 2-3 nights per week at his apartment it makes sense for him NOT to come over nightly to your place for the bedtime routine. Plus, it will help you not to see him each day.
Reality is very painful and very difficult, I know! But it's not feasible for your H to come over each night to put the children to bed. Yes, it is a change but maybe not all bad.
One gentle suggestion I would make is to try and look at things with a different spin. Yes, your idea of what a family should be is no longer happening but you do have the opportunity to create a new kind of family. As you are creating your new family you are greatly improving your physical and emotional health and you are gaining an understanding of R's your H may never have. It is his loss!
Stay off his FB page!!!!!!!!!! Make a goal not to look at it for 48 hours!
. H hasn't eaten with us in almost 3 months. What the hell do I say to that?