One day at a time....

[chatterbug]

ya-huh love it.

[gutwrenching]

OUTSTANDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So good to read great news! I love it!!

[rockedworld]

Thanks all my good friends. Honestly could not be here without you.

So, some further progress today.

I had the day off work today, and this morning my H decides to take the day off with me. How nice is that? So we enjoyed a lazy morning after the kids went to school.

Kids got out of school early today, so H suggest we go for a drive into the hills. He suggests we go to the same place he and I went to have a big R talk at the end of August. That was a heart-breaking, devestating day for me as it was when he spent hours giving me all the reasons he thought we were not meant to be together and why we should consider D. He knows how awful that day was for me.

So, I knew he was suggesting we go there purposefully to "re-claim" it with positive family time.

We had a great day!

I had a few difficult moments... going to the same places where painful words were spoken. At one particular spot, we both remembered how different it was 7 months ago. We stood in that spot and I asked for a hug. 7 months ago I was weeping in that spot while he stood apart from me with a cold, hard face. Now, we hugged as the kids and dogs ran around beside us laughing and enjoying the beautiful day.

We 4x4'd with the truck in the mud, worked on teaching S15 to drive, and went hiking in the hills. Lots of laughs, lots of good memories made.

Now that place has good memories that outshine the bad.

One more step forward.

[flowmom]

RW, what a beautiful gesture...to create new memories in a place that has painful ones.

[Gnosis]

Now that place has good memories that outshine the bad.

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about Willis !

I wonder who wrote this on Mar 24th:

- an effort made to do special things for me - take me somewhere, bring me home a little treat etc.

DONE!

I have communicated these things to H, he pretty much says he doesn't have it in him to make those efforts right now...

REALLY?

Keep it up RW

[Lost Rabbit]

Beautiful news RW it's not just the doing of the trip it was him realising it needed reclaiming from the nasty times. I'm so pleased for you, you really needed a boost and he filled the need bless him!

[rockedworld]

Thanks Flo and Rabbit!

Gno... you are right. I think he has been hearing more than I have been giving him credit for.

Oh, and also the topic of LL came up. I teased him about not finishing the online test. He said, well I know yours anyway and proceeded to tell me them in the exact order my results were. So, he knows.... (and, obviously he did more of the test and read more about LL than he originally let on).

I'm staying positive, moving forward. But I am also realistic that there is still a roller coaster ride going on. There will still be ups and downs. I think I just need to not let the downs have such an effect on me.

[addie]

I am glad the two of you were able to have such a wonderful day together and as a family. Keep leading and the positive outcome will follow.

[Gnosis]

I think he has been hearing more than I have been giving him credit for.

In other words... you have been mind-reading... See where that gets you? LOL.

topic of LL came up. I teased him about not finishing the online test. He said, well I know yours anyway and proceeded to tell me them in the exact order my results were.

And then they call them DAM's...

So, he knows.... (and, obviously he did more of the test and read more about LL than he originally let on).

Yeah, guys like to play poker and bluff too.

I'm staying positive, moving forward. But I am also realistic that there is still a roller coaster ride going on. There will still be ups and downs. I think I just need to not let the downs have such an effect on me.

Yes.

It's a life-long ride this M stuff. You can't afford to fall back on bad habits. M is full of ups and downs, it's how you communicate through them that prevent you from falling off the wagon.

Don't give up your GAL and cement your 180's. You're doing well RW

[rockedworld]

OK well a bit of a setback.

First, the good ... another good day yesterday. Our S18 plays in a band so we went to watch him play and that was fun. Plus, we can share in the pride of his talents.

However, try as I might, didn't seem to be able to stop myself from being triggered by H's impending business trip. My mind kept going back to memories of the last one in Sept. and all the emotional pain and trauma around that trip. I used breathing, grounding, and self talk techniques that my IC has taught me. Most of the time they were working ok... but it was really hard! H noticed this. We talked a bit last night about it. He was supportive, but of course gets frustrated that these things come up.

I noticed that some of my physical symptoms came back yesterday and last night... anxiety, shakiness, trouble sleeping last night, foggy brain etc. This was really frustrating to me, as I was really hoping to be past all of that.

So, I won't go into all the details, but this led to my H leaving for his trip on a negative note. I made a nice breakfast, helped him pack, tried my damndest to be pleasant, light, cheerful etc. But, there were a few things that came up that had to be discussed before he left (practical stuff) that just seemed strained.

Although he gave me a hug before he left, I could just feel the negative vibes coming from him. And, now I feel like chit.

I know I should not let this affect me. It is one of the primary things I am working on... to not let his moods/emotions affect me. But, I still find that so hard.

I would have felt so much more secure if we could have parted with positive feelings, genuine affection etc.

This sucks.

So, I don't know if I pursue to try to make it better by calling. My instincts say no, give him space and let him initiate.

Ugh.