His MLC and I don't know what to do anymore

[cat04]

SC,

I am beginning to see as you speak with Snodderly and others.

You are still looking to make sense out of all of this.

Right now, the ONLY sense you can make of any of it, it to simply understand the monster called MLC.

Learn the traits, commonalities, and oddities.

While individual things will be unique to your situation, you will come to learn that it is all part of the MLC process and hopefully you will be able to accept the things that you are seeing as “normal” considering, lol.

As you do this, you can then take the focus and put it where it needs to be right now, which is on you.

You can do this…

[Jasmine]

Snodderly, do you have resource books on what is going on in the minds of the MLC'r/Runner?

[Cadet]

Jasmine

On page 1 of this thread is a link to why they run. Have you seen that? Or are you looking for books on the subject?

I just read your first two post from newcomers. Do you want to know why YOU ran?

My suggestion is you start your own thread here on the MLC board and we can try to help you. Is that what you want? To restore your marriage with your H?

[Jasmine]

Thank you OP. I saw the archives on why they run I was looking for more resources on the subject to help me figure this out. I am discovering I am a text book case.

I definitely will be back to post my story.

Thank you again.

[SecondChance]

OK, DB's ....

how do you read this?

I file for a separation agreement to protect myself and kids (for all the reasons noted in thread above).

H is NC for about a week. I don't pursue.

Comes to pick up the kids, is very "proper" at the front door, smiling, nice, won't step over boundaries, etc etc.

Next week, H is NC. I don't pursue.

Next week, H comes by to get the kids, says he misses me tons, tries to kiss me.

Then talks briefly about his future plans for his new living space, friends he's having visit, the future he left me for.

Drives off with kids.

PLEASE EXPLAIN!!

[seeking answers]

MLC craziness

[Jasmine]

He's trying to get you too see/agree that he IS better off without you and the marriage....yep..MLC craziness

[SecondChance]

Then why say he misses me or try anthing intimate?
If he is so better off, then why?

[job]

SecondChance,
Because he does miss you, but not enough to come home. He's a teenager out there in the wilderness blazing a trail thru mlc. You are trying to rationalize the comments and actions of an emotionally unstable person right now.....you can't!

He also wants to ensure that you are still right where he left you just in case things don't work out and he can come back. It's the old one toe in this pond and one toe in that pond.

It's the dance...it's to suck you in and keep you in his drama, it's to keep you on the hook.

Focus on what is real and rational...you and your family. Focus on what you are doing from day to day and not on his crazy behavior. If you don't, you'll end up nuts.

[SecondChance]

Snodderly, I think I understand that but... how do you know when it's not MLC? I mean, for the ones that do come home, how do you know? What if he really is reaching out and I'm not responding?