New and needing help...

[MeMyselfandI]

Hi, I've been lurking here for a couple of months and just received my legal separation papers from H's lawyer. A brief overview is that we have been M for 7 years, T for 13 years. Two beautiful children, D-10 and S-8. We have had problems throughout our marriage but #1 thing it all boils down to is neglecting eachother and neglecting our marriage. We have never taken the time and always had bandaid solutions to get us through every difficult situation so there has been much time for things to build up over the years.

H has decided it is just time to move on and that he does not want to be sitting here, 10 years down the road wondering why we stayed together. It has been a fast track to the legal separation since he dropped the bomb on December 17th and I have been a whirlwind of emotions, although trying very hard to apply DB techniques, I have slipped up.

I recently discovered he had some secret online XXX-dating accounts that he had set up in February 2007. The one that really threw me was where he stated that he was Bi-curious and was looking for another couple to join in their fun. His sex drive has been increasingly demanding over the years, not just in quantity but in variety and needs. He spilled a whole bunch of fantasies to me back in November 2009, including that he wouldn't mind being with another man or watching me be with another man. Although some alarm bells went off, I thought he was just trying to test me, to open up and to help us. He also admitted to pleasing himself to online videos quite frequently after I went to bed. I have been doing a lot of reading up on the escalation of his sexual tendencies and fear he may be a sex addict.

It scares me, but I also want to help and I so want to keep my family intact. He is set to move out in early April and I think time apart may be the only thing that will save us right now but I'm not sure what my next steps are. We will be sharing custody of our children and I really need help to be able to communicate effectively throughout this for the sake of the kids and all I feel is complete anger, resentment and betrayal right now.