D'ed Xhusband wants XWife back

[Mr GK]

I have not been on here in a while.
I am confused of what to do now.
I was a critical husband and was distant from my W and boys when we were married. She left me and we were separated for about 1 1/2 years. During that time, I grew a lot! My Ex and some other friends have commented on how they have seen my growth.
She just recently told me that she sees how great my relationship is with my boys now, and I was never like that when I lived with the. And it is so true!!!!! I love being a dad, even though it really hurts to be away from them for all but 1 day out of two weeks!

Anyway, we get along very well. She is very flexible in letting me see the kids when time allows. It does turn out that I see them once in a while on my non-visitation days.She really encourages it too. We just recently got D'ed, and she knows I did NOT want it, but I was cordial about it. No fighting involved.

What is weird, is that several weeks ago, I met her for lunch, just us two, to talk about the divorce proceedings and how we will go about it. We talked about the divorce for about 10 minutes, and the rest of the time (2 hours or so) was spent just talking. It was almost like a date. Very weird!

What I hate is that she has another guy living in the same house with her and the boys. He is kinda the OM, but also a roommate who pays for most of the rent, as she is unemployed and he is not. I really don't understand their relationship, but it might be more for financial convenience. There has been more about their relationship in past postings.

Anyway, I don't know if they are romantic or not, after almost two years of knowing each other, and about 1 1/2 years of living near each other or together. They don't look romantic together, and I just don't think that he is her type, except for the fact that she always wanted me to be active and supportive with helping around the house, and I never was. And he is that way. But the emotional connection just does not seem to be there when I see them together.

I don't know what to do.

I find that I am supporting her sometimes, in various ways.
She lives about 1 hour away from me, in a smaller town.

I know her life is stressful, and I think she gets lonely.
She has been having a hard time losing weight and she discusses that with me, and has asked me to check out some library books from my local library on weight loss for her.

She really does not have a lot of support from other people. Maybe a few friends, but not so much from her family. A very dysfunctional family!

I can see that she probably feels safe around me now, and enjoys my company. I also can imagine that she wonders if the new me will last.

What do I do now? I have backed off a lot. I stopped being needy and wimpy. Stopped hanging on her and trying to get her to come back. No blaming her! But she knows that I love her, I think. I have not told her recently.

What do I do?
180?
I have GAL.

And I do know that I still have issues in my life that bother her, as I have not grown completely. I am still trying to get better with finances, and I am still unemployed, but working on a venture with a friend that might turn into a good paying home-based job.

I know the unemployment is not attractive. But the job market is also not good. And as such, she does not get all of her child support that I owe, until I get a decent job.

Anyway, that is what is on my mind right now. I guess, way too much!

[MrBond]

Have you actually asked her if a D is what she really wants now? I would say increase the positive times together if possible and go from there.

You planted the seed in her mind that things could be different. Now is the time to grow it so it becomes doubt.

[Mr GK]

We are divorced.
But I hope to to "win her back".
I think I still need to back off a little, and continue working on myself. Some of the issues that I need to change for myself are things that she would respect me for having changed.

I tend to feel bad about myself regarding my troubling issues.

I am not about to grovel and cling. But I dont want to be cold and cruel either. I just need to find the right balance I suppose, as it makes it difficult when we get along quite well together, and I want to get too close with her...Make her possibly feel trapped again.