Well, first, I don't have my own copy of DR, but I flipped through it at the bookstore. I think I got the main gist. . . plus I read a lot of online stuff of hers here.
I'm not 100% sure I'm a convert, though. I know it's horrible to say that here, but. . . I think I'm more fatalistic than many people here. My thing is that I don't want to nudge him to do anything. I really want it to be his own decision, because I think that will last more than anything else. Of course I haven't fully read the book, so I shouldn't talk. But that's my opinion based on what I've gathered.
To get to my story, though, I wrote my sweet lawyer this week, who said that he'd help me write up a separation "contract" for free! There's no legal separation here, like I already knew. I left the ball in my WH's court, and he said,
"I agree that the utmost importance is the support of our child. i want you to be secure in the fact that I will provide for her. To that end, we should pursue divorce. I want you to know this is the most difficult decision I have made, and I didn't make it lightly."
But then I wrote him back saying that I was no longer sure, ha ha, and that I would probably try for a contract. I said he could write back if he disagreed. He hasn't written back, and I don't think he will.
Things changed for me, though, when I heard that he missed me. I thought that our chances of getting back together-- SOMEDAY (I think more like a year down the road)-- are better. So I decided not to start the divorce process yet. Partly the reason is that I don't want to pay for it, honestly. Also, I think that he is starting to get back on his mental feet, and I do believe that he will pay child support. Earlier, I worried that he wouldn't and I wanted serious protection. But I don't feel that it's so necessary anymore. I think he will pay.
It's funny that you ask about how decision-making went in the M. . . we collaborated a lot, but sometimes I just let him decide. I'm working on that in therapy, actually!
I still think that the best strategy for me at this point is to not "wait" for him. I am waiting, but I'm not thinking about it. I'm trying to keep options open. I just don't want to let myself get back to that place where I could get hurt again! Oh, no, this sounds like an issue i have to work though. But truly, he has ruined my trust, and we haven't had enough time to rebuild it yet. So I don't trust him enough to actively hope that we'll get back together.
But the divorce stuff seems to be on hold for now. Truly, Piano, you had an influence! You were the ONLY person that I talked to who leaned that way.
Hope all is well with you. Your baby is almost here, wow! So exciting.
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
But that's my opinion based on what I've gathered.
