The entire dynamics of this relationship seem extremely unhealthy to me. I think you have to call it quits on this one and move on. Sorry, may not be a popular view here.
I am not believing the rape story. I mean maybe it's true but it seems like convenient leverage to get what she wants. And then to remarry you?
If anything maybe she is possibly reliving a trauma from the past and putting it on you. IDK, it does not make any sense at all.
Her hearing voices? Manic, split personality, schizo...definitely concerning.
There is too much going on here... Sorry...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
At this point it's easier for me just not to care. Safer.
I'm burned out and want to keep moving toward the positive. But I think you may be right. Things just got so weird so fast.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Regardless, I think you two need to do some co-parenting classes. Mainly for her, she should not be interjecting in the kids conversations with you. It seems as if she is putting them up to starting talks with you, just to jump in. The kids should never be a part of you and your W's R talks.
I spent a week angry, then hit the wall emotionally. I'm burned out on the heavy emotions. I'm still not going to file for her. I won't put my name on a document saying I don't want to be married to my W.
Funny thing, I sent a link to her to a site showing motorcycles and sidecars. She always really liked that stuff and not really caring what she thought I just sent it. I didn't expect a reply at all, but she called me to say thanks. She was chipper and sweet. I didn't really take much from it, but after her tirade and then ignoring me for over a week (not that I tried to get her attention) I thought her tone was odd.
I also met someone online. It's not likely to develop into anything as she's a LOT younger (21) and I'm not ready for anything like that. But it's nice to "click" w/ someone new.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
I'm burning out. I'm starting to feel that I just want this over with.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
I've been up and down this rollercoaster so many times, I can imagine that you are probably down at the bottom right now.
It is not longer the end of Feb, and you had named this post with your decision to sign. Have you decided to sign the divorce papers, then, or does she (and you) want more time to keep trying?
I guess I'm saying, what has changed since your first post? In your first one, you were hurt and wanted to stay with her. Now, you want an escape.
Could you list the top 5 reasons you want to stay (today) married and the top 5 you want to leave for us?
Stay: Love, she's done more for me than anyone else, we think alike, we act alike, she's the strongest person I know.
Leave: she doesn't want me, we've hurt each other so much, I'm not sure I know who she is anymore, I've begun a career path that would end if I left the state to be with her, I have a lot of personal issues that need to be addressed before I can consider a relationship w/ anyone
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
Everything has changed. I'm not the same person I was. One day I'm at peace, the next I'm angry w/ her, the next I'm in love again... My point is mostly that I may need to push through and see the D done so that I can stop torturing myself and grieve.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
I have a lot of personal issues that need to be addressed before I can consider a relationship w/ anyone
I can see why you want to have your love returned - seems like you haven't seen enough reasons to give up, but you don't have any hope for a reconciliation with your W to move forward with.
So can you move ahead and ignore the relationship, not moving toward D at all, and just GAL (work on yourself)? Let her do the D work if she wants it.
Where ever you end off with this relationship, remember that you can learn from your mistakes (and hers) by making you the best you can now.
We've all had these low days...I'm sure you're going to get past it!
