I could write so much of the stuff posted here. My ex never drank and now he buys wine by the case every month. When we were married he would always tell me how smart OW was and how she continually helped him in the business. I now realize she is as dumb as it gets. He tolerates it because he can get away with so very much. Ex can lie to me all he wants, but he lies so much to the kids, it is pathetic. Kids are so much smarter then we give credit to. My kids are slowly seeing the truth. s l o w l y
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Unfortunately I have no control over the business so it will disappear unless he wakes up quickly to rescue it. He has worked so hard to make it successful and it remains a viable company.
Trusting: At the moment H is lying so much I don't know what is going on. He said he was living with OW in her house but has asked S13 to visit him in his flat! He keeps ping ponging into the house to offer his help with the children and visit even though he lives 60 miles away. This despite him happily living with OW!
The rollercoaster ride continues and I am getting off as I feel sick.
Libby, I too would love to hear those answers.:) Sorry I don't have any myself.
I am wondering if my H is truly reconnecting with the kids now. His attention to them and helping with them is much more constant now, not just a day or two and then back into the tunnel a bit. It is different since he lives at home, so I don't know.
Are the touch and goes part of the healing process for H and myself? Are they necessary for H to do them to continue his journey through the tunnel?
I've seen it described a few times on here like a child or teen wanting their independence but at the same time they need the security / stability that you provide.
I've also heard it may be because they are a little less "foggy" at the moment.
I think they still have an emotional connection to us no matter how crazy or nasty they act toward us. I also think they need to "check" to see where WE are in all of this. Some of them, for whatever reason, CANNOT have us moving to far away either.
I've been divorced now for almost a year. On Monday my ex sent me a picture of her and the kids.
Ive been here 3 years I never saw any real connection Ive seen touch and goes In my situtaion a lot of touch and goes especially in the beginning he would initaiate conversation with me regualrly for a time I made myself available to him to listen validate I wanted o show him I wanted this and was willing to cahnge we created positve connections many times but he always left he would reconnect again in a few days this was probably a safety net for him these MLC are giving up a lot mine gave up everything
his W,family and kids his home his stuff much of his clothes all his savings his credit his sobriety (20 years in AA) eventually his business basically he walked away with OW ( a real prize) asnd a banged up car thats it
Over time he still had touch and goes I think less as I detached more and once I met BF( i year ago)- I totally became unavailable to XH so there was little time to connect.. so either way didnt work for me being abailable and being gone nothing woke him up he also distanced during that time, seemed to get worse and M OW and eventually left the state he has no contact now peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Just a quick update of H visit to see children on Wednesday.
I gave him 2 boundaries. The first to not ask the children to meet OW or visit his flat. The second to move all his 'toys' from the garage. On the second occasion he filled with tears and asked why?
We also talked very comfortably for over an hour.He was relaxed in my company and gave good eye contact.
Some positives were evident in the conversation.
He talked about having plans for the house but we never quite had enough money to do them. Usually the house is always spoken about in a negative way as it was one of his justifications to leave.
He openly discussed how the business is in free fall and the debt he is carrying. Previously he always denied this.
He asked if 'we' could take D to Uni in Sept.
He told me he was worried about me. This is the first time he has mentioned any concern for me both since he left and for maybe 18 months before.
He agreed to attend couselling with our S13 who is trying to understand what is going on. Previously he would never have entertained the thought as the children would be ok.
He asked if he could visit twice more this week than normal.
I validated his feelings when I could and remained friendly throughout.
I have my feet firmly on the ground and have no expectations and take the positives for what they are but they were nice to hear.
at the moment.