WAW still around, DBing starting to work

[gutwrenching]

Sandi and others,
Hold off on the celebrations, we have another pullback maybe a setback. I really don't know right now, but she said we need to talk. W told me she had a lot of time to think about things on trip, I replied with I'd love to hear about that whenever you are ready. I think that will be tonight or tomorrow. W told me we need to talk about where to do we go from here, that right now were are stuck in limbo land. I asked her what she meant and I can't remember the exact reply but it was where do you and I go now or is there even going to be a you and I. So playing her cards real close...To that I tried nicely replying that we have been communicating a lot and very well lately and it has been nice. She said we have always communicated well about task like stuff - kids, work, projects, etc but we have never communicated about R stuff well. I simply replied with I am willing to try and work on the hard stuff too. No reply from her

I have continued with the same pattern of affection as before she left...but last night got from her "I don't know what you expect"...I asked what did she mean, and she replied that i have been more touchy and affectionate lately and she doesn't now what I expect from her. I just told her I have no expectations, but am just trying to do a little to take us out of limbo. I also said that it seemed to me that hugs were ok with her, and she said yes, hugs are ok.

So - she notices the extra affection but I don't know if she likes it or wants it. Hugs are acceptable, no longer on the off-limits page. We have to talk about where we go from here, and I have no idea what is in her brain.

The fog is still gone, but the wall is still there. I would say that after her trip, she rebuilt the wall some (after a ton of bricks had come down in the few days prior).

Sandi - if you see this, I would love your thoughts/perspective. Unfortunately, we really do need to talk. We have to start looking for a place to live this summer, and we both know this, and we both know we need to talk about it. I do have some anxiery over this talk. Things were looking so well until the wall went up a little more and that comment of if there even is a you and I in the future...