I've got to say she is doing whatever she wants at this stage so I shouldn't worry about her feelings when I tell her that I am going to C alone.
It would be great to have her think that I'm done with the R. That I am moving on. I figure that she has her own bank account, looks like she is getting her own credit card. I will open my own account next week and transfer my $ into it to keep it secure. Thanks for the advice Robx.
Our kids don't know that the W wants a D. But they definitely know that R is in trouble. I also need to add that we have an exchange student from Switzerland living with us until the end of June.
My C said the kids should not be told about the D until after exams. Do I kick the W out of the bed now or later?
why tell her where you're going? are you seeking her approval? do you want her to feel bad for you?
confront her, tell her you know what went on during her recent trip, don't give her any specifics, just tell her that you won't be disrespected anymore in your own home and you definitely don't want an open marriage where one of you can pursue "relations" with another person and tell her that she can find somewhere else to sleep, the couch in the basement will do just fine.
Just as long as YOU don't leave the bedroom, that would be a huge mistake, along with YOU moving out of the home, don't do it.
she wants to make herself feel better about her decision and be able to look back and say to herself, "I went with him to try and help him deal with this terrible ordeal and help him heal emotionally from this huge loss.... " so that she can feel better with her guilt.
BINGO.
Puppy
Thanks guys! I respect your opinions. That seals the deal. I'll let her know that she's not to come with me on Monday.
Just thinking about this... I've heard through mutual friends that she feels the kids don't need her anymore. She also told me the other day that she wasn't sure if there is a God and if there is He's sadistic. In addition, she's been dressing younger the last year or so. She used to wear "earthy" clothes. Natural fibers, loose fitting clothes. Now its the midriff, tighter T-shirts and slim pants. She's also lost weight.
confront her, tell her you know what went on during her recent trip, don't give her any specifics, just tell her that you won't be disrespected anymore in your own home and you definitely don't want an open marriage where one of you can pursue "relations" with another person and tell her that she can find somewhere else to sleep, the couch in the basement will do just fine.
Just as long as YOU don't leave the bedroom, that would be a huge mistake, along with YOU moving out of the home, don't do it.
I gave a thought of moving out around Christmas but changed my mind after realizing this is my house. I wouldn't consider moving out after all I've read here. Thanks for the input. I'll have to think about kicking her out of the bed. Timing is everything...
Get out of the practice of telling her how you feel, she's not digging that, she doesn't want to know how you feel, she's not going to sympathize so you can stop anytime now.
Yea, I know. Just need to vent sometime. I'm not starting any conversations unless I have to re: the kids. I haven't told her how I feel since the day after our last counseling session where she dropped the D bomb. She told me ILY and how bad she felt. Of course I fell for it.
I realize how self-centered she is. I am simply an afterthought at this point.
Yes, hang in there. I'm the LBS too, though I don't think H is having an affair. I got similar advice about making them be the one to move out of the bedroom or whatever, so my H is now in the guest room. Actually, after he did a week ago, I made the room more my room and hung some pics etc. While I feel lousy in general about the situation, taking back MY room it now actually feels like a safe place for me, it feels nice to be there.
I'm not sure about the joint counselling- but for you, get someone you can talk to 1:1. It can help a lot.
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Just wanted to say hang on in there TeleDad. You'll either figure she's worth the long effort, or that you deserve better.
I'll let you know when I figure it out for myself.
I too am trying to be dark whilst my STBexW if living the good life with my ex friend and current colleague. It's tough, but we must fight on.
Thanks lees. This dark thing is easier said than done. I almost got sucked into a fight at dinner but went out to work on the car instead. Slow I am, but at least I'm learning!
