Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

gr8 and Sandi, thank you. Wow gr8, thanks for checking in on me during your lunch break. I've been following your sitch too but haven't posted in your thread. It does seem like our sitchs are similar as our wives aren't in an A. You're right that it doesn't make it any easier.

I didn't realize that I had issues of anxiety and depression until my IC diagnosed it within the past few months. I guess I thought I was just stressed and that was the reasons why I was acting the way I was for the past couple of years. I should have listened to my W and talked with a C and seen a doctor to help me. Like a lot of people I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I thought that I was strong enough just to take care of everything myself. Perhaps I saw it as a sign of weakness to admit that I might need to see a C. For whatever reason I didn't go to C until my W left. It has been an eye opening experience to say the least. I have learned a lot about myself. I like many things about myself but I know I need to improve in other areas and that's what I'm working on now. I am a better man now and continue to improve myself.

Other than not being with my W right now, I am fairly happy under the circumstances. I am always cheerful in front of people. When I told a few of my friends lately what had happened, they were stunned. They said they never would have guessed anything was wrong based on how happy I seem. I'm not curled up on the couch feeling depressed for myself like I was in the past. I am doing things for myself and GAL. For me though, it is so difficult not to have my W with me as I love this woman so much. I told my IC that in some ways both my W and I have a lot of maturing to do. I need to be more responsible and my W needs to be better communicating her feelings to me.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I wish you the best with your sitch too.

Sandi, I agree that I need a day to think it through although I really don't want to call her over the weekend as that's my time for me, however I think waiting until Monday is too long. The person I ran into last night was her parent's neighbor. They said they helped her move from her sister's house into her parent's house. So I'm pretty sure she is in the parent's house now. I can see your point how she might see it if she told me. What bothers me about that though is how upset she was when I didn't tell her where I was not living. She was so upset and wanted me to tell her. I took your advice and instead of playing games, I told her where I was living. I feel like if I was being honest with her then she should be honest with me. I have been thinking that I might mmove back to the house soon myself. If she doesn't want to take my offer to live there than I might move back. I don't want to sell it anyway. She knows this and I don't bring it up anymore.

We do have separate accounts now. A couple of months ago she took money from our joint account we were using to pay joint bills and put it in a new account in her name only. I am thinking to telling her that I want to see a bank statement so I know that the money is still in that account. I'm sure it is and she has been paying the joint bills so I don't know if I should go there asking about the account. As long as she continues to pay the joint bills with that joint money than I'm ok with that.

Regarding the sympathy card. I really went back and forth with that one. I decided that if it was one of her friends, I would want to know and probably like my name added to the card. I was just trying to extend that courtesy to my W. Like I said, I realy wasn't sure of the right thing to do in that situation. One of the things I continue to struggle with is what is important to contact her about. I don't want to do anything that might even remotely be seen as pressuring her. Sometimes it hard to make all of the right moves. Before I make a decision I try to see it through her eyes and how it might make her feel or respond. I am trying to only contact her about the house when absolutely necessary.

Sandi, you aren't discouraging at all. You give me encouragement. I always look forward to reading your advice. Sometimes I can't always see the right thing to do since I'm in this sitch so it is so helpful to me to have others give me insight on what they see. Really gets me thinking and keeps me on track. I want to continue to fine tune what I am doing. I want to do what is best for my W and I.