Well, you are seeing your H at his worst right now, he CAN change... you have to remember that.
But, UNTIL you see strong indications of that, you can't enable him any further or your family loses out.
If you look at it this way, he is taking 25% of the income. OK, if he was there WITH you, that's 25% MORE that could be going into SAVINGS.. instead, he wants to live ELSEWHERE and that's COSTING your family that 25%...
This is the price of his stubborn independence 25% each month.
Puppy points this out often.. Infidelity does damage emotionally, but it also does damage financially.
You CUOLD do the math and find out exactly what this affair has cost the family financially.
Roughly 25% * 12 months give or take yes?
I know this was supposed to be an investment, and ALL of that ws supposed to come BACK into the family with interest eventually, but you need to point this out to him
Mr ALJ you have spent x amount of money living independently over the last year. That money COULD have been investing into our chidlren instead. This is the price of your stubborness and your cheating.. it is HURTING our children. So don't give me this Bull$&$T about you working three jobs to supoprt them.. right now you are COSTING them x a month... with totals y each YEAR.
Don't worry about not knowing what to say, we all get caught. There is just so much emotion running around during the exchange we are lucky to find any words let alone something useful.
Its a lot easier to WRITE a reply to an email than to negotiate on the phone. This is why I reccomend to mb28 and 4luv here on this forum to try to contact via email instead of a phone call or text message (which is more often sent real time instead of somtime later after reflection)
And third parties like these forum members can futher add to the reflection since they have additional perspectives and objectivity to offer.
I am NOT saying what we say is RIGHT, but it is often food for some thought.
How long do you invest in something before you decide its time to change strategies? I am not talking about divorce, I DO mean that he expects your family to deal with this 25% cost of him being this "lone wolf" so to speak while if he were here at home with you that 25% can go into the family to pay debt or whatever...
My co worker here at work tried to talk his wife into letting him buy a condo in town since his work is an hours drive away. He said he wanted some place to take his friends for lunch and to hang out after work.
Well, she told him if he can find the $$ to cover that then he could use that $$ to fund their kids college instead.
Needless to say he has no condo right now. lol
But the point is the same. If he wants to do something discooperative that puts a strain on finances how long do you allow that? He's HOPING it will pan out but ...
A YEAR and nothing to show for it other than an lies and cheating?
Bear in mind, if he LEAVES, I don't know how much you would get for supoprt, but you and three kids is a LOT on his plate.
YOu may want to talk to a lawyer to find out what your financial position is on what you could feasible get from a support agreement... you may find 75% staying in your home is better than the say 50% you may get after a divorce, I have no idea, I am not a lawyer.
My MAIN point is that if he was HOME, that would be that much more money in your pocket. So when he talks big about how important it is to support them.. you tell him he's COSTING his girls 25% a month for him to play this wayward spouse game for the last year and change.
