Lea, he should have to work for D. The process is the process, he could provide information without going through all this trouble but he chose this path not you. Every time you show your strength, doesn't mean he sees it as a negative. It's a 180 for you and even though he gets angry, it's attractive to him.
Your marriage is not over until the ink is dry from the judge's signature. You are not there yet, so remain faithful. It's hard, I know, if it was easy, our divorce rate throughout this world would not be so high. You have done all you can to prevent this from happening, you love your H more than OW ever will, the problem is because of his A fog, he can't see that. Offer no visible evidence to him that you are trying to stop D. Let go of the rope and have faith. I join my faith and prayers with you that this D train can be stopped.
