W sent me a long detailed e-mail describing why it would be bad for us to have teenage girls watch our kids for the summer, and how we should put the kids into summer camp, blah, blah, blah.
The whole idea of having teenage girls watch the kids was hers to begin with!
Tell her no problem on the camp as long as she is willing to foot the bill between the difference of the in-house babysitter vs. camp. You also will need compensation for the time you put in finding the sitter as per her request.
That, OR, Just tell her that you know this particular teenage girl very well and you trust her. She just doesnt want THAT teenage girl watching HER kids. I say stick with your plan.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
W sent me a long detailed e-mail describing why it would be bad for us to have teenage girls watch our kids for the summer, and how we should put the kids into summer camp, blah, blah, blah.
coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah. cracks me up everytime. lol.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Yeah, me too. She has not disowned her daughter or anything, but she thinks her daughter is being selfish and reckless, and it's hurting her grandkids, who she adores.
Hey Future, I've been catching up with your posts. Its good to read them. It seems like there are 2 sides to divorce--the side that feels empowered and the side that gets sucked in and feels terrible. I've been on the downside lately. Which, as you predicted, probably comes from having too much contact with H. Anyway, I read something interesting on another site...that when Napolean found out someone was going to betray him, he made a comment that there would be no tirades, no screaming, "just a quiet and definitive servering of ties." Its hard to do when you have young children, but I know that the less contact I have, the better I feel. H has the boys until Sunday. I'm going to take down our wedding pictures, which have been prominently displayed in our...actually MY bedroom, now...and replace them with photos I've taken. That will feel good to do. The stuffed animal incident was totally unnecessary. She LOVES getting you emotionally engaged with her. She stages it. After reading about the earlier drama she induced in your marriage (right after your child was born???), she LOVES the drama and loves having the leading role. If you aren't in the play with her, or even in the audience, she will have to change her behavior toward you. But she is clearly trying to up the anty to get you watching again, so be careful about that. Glad to hear about the burgeoning music career and the new romance! It gives the rest of us hope and is a good reminder that there is a better life out there than staying with someone who, in the end, gets some sort of pleasure out of hurting their spouse. We all deserve more than being someone's "Plan B". Oh, and for the teenager babysitter, stick with your plan. You get to make that choice for when you have the kids. If she doesn't want to have a sitter she can enroll them in day camps when she has them. That's her decision.
I love your Napolean comment! Very similar to the attitude gucci preaches here. Something else gucci says is "The one who cares less about the relationship controls it." Good stuff to remember.
I've been surprised how easy it has been to cut off nearly all contact with my W. I never initiate contact unless absolutely necessary for kid business, and then only by text or e-mail, and as short as possible. Even during child transitions, I act quickly, and I avoid looking at her. If she tries to have a converstation, I give short one or two word answers. I can get through a transition without even feeling like I've been in her presence. It has done wonders for my detachment.
I definitely agree you should take those wedding pictures down. We avoid doing stuff like that because it hurts, but taking the hurt all at once is better than the continual nagging pain each time you look at them. The healing can start.
I totally agree my W loves getting my attention. I was always the one who would try to "make everything better" when we'd have a fight. I now look back on the emotional blackmail and manipulation she used on me, and I feel pathetic for allowing it. No more. I'm sure she is feeling very insecure about how she has apparently lost all control over me. She is treating me with considerable respect now.
There is definitely a better life out there than pining for a person who doesn't want you. It takes time, but keep working on detaching. In my case, my kids don't seem to mind the loss of the family time. I am in such a good mood all the time now, they seem to be reacting to that.
Yeah, my plan for caring for the kids over the summer is up to me. She's now hitting me with the requirement that an adult be nearby and accessible in order for her to feel safe leaving her kids in the care of a 17 year old teenager. Whatever. I'll do what feels right to me.
I'm surprised I'm finding myself feeling very angry at my W. I'm still feeling good about my single life, and having fun, but whenever any thoughts of her come into my head, I have a VERY angry reaction. Where is this coming from now? I guess it shows I still have some detachment, or healing, to do.
I don't talk to her, I barely communicate at all. I don't show her anger, I'm not cold, just gone.
I'm surprised I'm finding myself feeling very angry at my W. <SNIP> Why has this reared up all of a sudden?
Because you've started posting on other people's threads. What is happening is: You're recalling her actions and recounting them as you share. This makes you angry. Also, you're angry with yourself for not having listened and followed some of the advice you got. And that's OK... just stop beating yourself up about it.
You're giving good advice to others BTW and I hope you stick around.
