Here is my Sit. I've been together with my wife since college. We were together for 6 years before we got married. During the time while we were living together but weren't married she had a PA but told me about it said it was over. I accepted that.
I'm 47 now and my W is 45. Her mom was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 yrs. ago and lived in another state. She started distancing herself at that time. No one in her family would take care of her mom after the cancer spread so she left me and our 2 kids and spent a about 4 months last year taking care of her - me being the single parent at home. Her father told her she needed to be home with her family. I don't know if she heeded the advice but she came home before Labor Day. The next weekend her mom died. After that time she became really detached and withdrew from the family.
She talked to me and said she wanted to go on a trip to Central America alone because she had always wanted to. I said 'sure' thinking this might help her get out of her funk.
No way! Upon her return she became more detached. Spent time in another part of the house away from me and kids. She seemed to spend all time on FB with 'friends'.
She would go out with her GF's and drink excessively. To the point that she passed out once and her friend had to tell my 16 yo son that mom wasn't coming home. All this a child of an alcoholic who never behaved like this since I've known her.
She then stated that she might want to go back to the same country and area with a different group sometime in the future. A month later she told me in the car with kids in the back seat that she had booked her flight! I was really pissed and hurt that she didn't even tell me but couldn't argue in front of the kids.
At Christmas time our tradition had been to go to her mom's house with our kids. With mom gone she did not want to do Christmas at all. She said 'let's skip it'. It was up to me to get a tree, put up lights etc.
I started freaking out at that time and started to go to see C. She said she wanted to go to counseling when she knew who I was seeing and when she went she stated she wanted me to back off and figure things out. Of course I had pursued like just about every other LBS here! Flowers, letters, pleading, reasoning. UGH! I think about it now and I get so pissed that I was naive into thinking that would help.
At our second session on 3/1/10 she dropped the bomb that she wanted out and a divorce and would move out. 4 days later she went on her return trip to CA. I'm suspicious it is a EA/PA with the organizer or the trip but don't know for sure. I just don't trust her from her behavior almost 20 years ago with the PA.
Here is my plea for help: She came back on 3/16/10 and as soon as she returned I let her know that I might have to sell the house because the bills would be impossible to manage by myself. We argued and soon thereafter I found this site. I've gone dark the last few days. She seems to like although I'm going nuts. I'm going to counseling on Monday and she says she wants to go too. I'm freaking about it considering the last 2 times she has dropped bombs. Should I let her go with me or say I need to do this by myself and we should set up a different appointment?
