Need a Plan for My Marriage

[trytryagain]

LSG-

i feel you on not wanting your marriage to end in divorce. no one WANTS their marriage to end in divorce. but look at the way your W is treating you right now...she doesn't seem to treat you with much respect, is that the kind of person you want to be in a R with?

like so many people on this site point out, divorces do not happen overnight. you do have some time to figure all these things out, even if you filed tomorrow.

the thing to focus on now is on letting go. accepting that you can't control your W's actions. you cannot stop her from being with OM if that's what she wants. what you can do is set boundaries and not tolerate her treating you the way that she's been treating you. i haven't read through your whole thread, but on the job front...are you looking? can you apply for jobs or volunteer your time somewhere? i would think a judge would see the effort as a positive thing in terms of custody. but don't let her bully you with what she's saying about getting the kids 100% of the time since you have no job.

do what you need to do to put your children first and take care of yourself. you said you are doing ok but your last few posts seem a bit panicky to me...are you letting your W see this?

there's no real answer to what you "should" do to stop your wife from divorcing you. you can't control her. you CAN control YOU. start with that. letting her moods or actions dictate your moods or actions is NOT detachment.

when i feel like i'm in full on panic mode (which is pretty often, and my H moved out 2 months ago), i try to tell myself that this will not break me. this will not be the end of my life. this will be the end of a chapter. the next chapter may include my H, it may not. but i am going to work as hard as i can to make the next few chapters as positive, healthy and happy as i can.

hang in there!