Oh forgot..last night his car was at church but he was not...of course I stew about it..wondering where he would go..called him today about some copies he is making for me, and said that I thought he was lost..as I saw the car, but not him..he just said he "had some things to tend to"..I asked if he made it to choir practice..he said "no"..I just dropped it, but it is eating at me where he was and with whom..and why..oh the bad things are creeping back.
I do know that the church sec has had some problems and that today the aty filed her d papers...so I read into that and say that he was with her last night...bad bad me...this is how I thought a year ago and thought I learned never ASSume..it will get you everytime..and another thing he does not have to tell me where he goes, sees, does..so I have to let it goooooooooooooooo!!!!
Real briefly, it sounds to me like you need to practice detaching from him a bit and working and focusing on just you. Can you try that? Stop worrying about where he is, who is with, and what is he doing. Start worrying about where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing. Are you doing fun things for yourself? Are you learning new things? Are you meeting new people? Get a life...it's a great way to get your H's attention in a positive way!
Alaska.. I do appreciate your advice and support, so I don't meant to sound harsh here...but I have gotten a life..if you have followed any of my past year..I have done some major changing... I have found a whole new other life out there..and I have not worried about what he is up to, until this past week when a major change took place..and i think it is natural to have some bad thoughts and feelings come back.....so I am sorry for sounding rude, but I take offense when someone who probably has not been following me for a long time assumes that i need to do all these things that I have already worked very hard at.
Again... sorry it sounds harsh..another change..I sometimes tell it how I see and feel it..
you know that making assumptions about things is never productive. H's car could have been there for any reason...and ya know what..if it was that he was out with the secratary so what (ya I know so what easy for me to say)
I know you don't want to date or totaly move on...but perhaps giving the illusion that you have may not be such a bad idea.
I know how you feel! Don't know what to tell you. And yes I go through the ASSuming thing to. It's hard not to. I've known my H for 25 yrs, M21 it's hard to let the rope drop. No matter how much you detach and no matter how much you DB, you can't stop habits and feelings.
Just know we all have bad days, I've been having a hard time too the last 2 days. My problem is H was coming over more often and now I miss him more than ever. Plus I'm PMSing right now.
I can only imagine how hard it is not to make assumptions. I don't know what I'll do when I see H's car somewhere without a normal explanation. But, your head is where it needs to be, you know to stop those thoughts.
Maybe telling him how you feel--that you love him and still want the M to work. Just stating it so he knows where you are at, no pressure, just the facts. A conversation, a letter?
That's fine and good for you for saying how you feel. I just think that sometimes we stop db'ing without even realizing it and start to backslide...not saying this is or isn't what you are doing. Just want you to focus on you as that is the true path to happiness...hugs...and ouch! rubbing head from that 2X4 whack you gave me...
I'm glad to hear that you feel more free to talk to him and he has left open the door to more by saying take some time and give more thought about what directon to go from here. So as to what to do ... maybe he can give you some clues. He said he does feel the same way as ten years ago. You could ask him what cause his feelings to wane. If he shares this with you, it would give you areas to focus on with 180's.
Happy friday night to all...thanks for the support...I did not mean to sound so rude this morning, Alaskangel..sorry..
Just that it is all so confusing..he's gone for a year..we have contact all the time..I think there's a chance, then boom..he thinks we need to move on...BUT...to take time..no hurry...we get along so great...offers to take care of me financially... so confusing on what I need to work on..me..us..tell him to take a hike...ask him to try again..ohhhhhhhhhh
To top it off bad day at work.stress...start trainign Mon f or new computer program......crabby coworkers..
Am going out tonight with friend to a floral show..
Take it easy...I am going to try and kick back this weekend..just relax and sit down for a change.
It just really stinks that we are handed this "situation" that we did not choose and have no control over. I think that is the part that really gets to me. I sense that is what is overwhelming you now. I bet you wake up tomorrow in a better frame of mind to forge ahead, and if H wants to join the train, he can. If not, have fun yourself.
