WOW Sue, over the course of your last thread, I've been struggling with what to say that could be of help. Now I'm struggling with how to say all I want to without taking up a whole page.
Quote: it has been a year, and that he feels so good that he thinks the bad feelings would come back if he did ... so that we should really think about an attorney and legally ending the m.
Sue, this is a knee-jerk reflect of a statement. He took him self outside the context of the M to work on being back the good feelings, therefore he is blame the M for the "bad" feelings, so the reflex reaction is end the M.
The knee-jerk reaction always comes first, then the thoughts about "what is the real reason for those "bad" feelings, but wait things are different now ... but how so ... and are they really different ... will it stay that way ... and so on ... and so on ...
Sue, H has only scratched the surface in the last year. To his credit, he has figured out that he can change what he does to feel better about himself ... but he yet to tap into whether his feelings for you can grow stronger of explore if being in a loving M with you would make him feel even better than he does now. All this comes later ... after the knee-jerk reflex.
... but you seemed to be pretty well prepared that this was going to be a bit more of a struggle in front of you. Focusing on this same statement of his, presents you with some goals to work at ways to change his perception that those "bad" feeling would return if he spent more time with you. What can you do Sue that will make H feel good about the contact you have with him? To start at this point, it would include doing more fun activities for yourself, so you will have more opportunities to invite H to join you in the fun. If he accepts or not, its OK by you and keep a smile on your face, because you're still going to do something fun. (I see that last nite you went to the movies with friends. Way to go, Sue! I see you already got a head-start on this one!)
Quote: ..then I went and blew it and said "do you think you would ever want to have sex with me again"... he almost choked and then starting laughing..saying he never expected to hear that..and that he was not interested in sex right..we did have a good laugh over it..but it threw him...So did I totally make an a** by saying that...
I notice in a few posts afterwards this began to bother you some. I know you feel more comfortable maintaining a conservative self-image, but being a little more assertive might bring about a renewed sense of excitement to experience and will introduce a new aspect of mystery that will shake up how well H thinks he know you now. Make him see a "whole" new and improved you ... and if he feels good being around the "new" you, then he start to believe that those "bad" feeling in the past are buried in the past and the future all about having good times being spent with you. As you said you had a good laugh and it threw him. This is good.
Remember how ANewBob had to work at bringing about A New Bold Bob. I think it would help you too if you showed H a New Bold Sue. ... and all I mean by this, is to present yourself in a more assertive way of showing how you want to make the most of your time.
I kinda ran out of time as I do have to get back to work, but I want to leave you with ...
This is not really a step backwards, but a natural progression in the way most WAS work thru the process. So forget about the legal stuff for a while ... let it go until he brings it up again. Keep DBing your way forward. Set up your goals, now knowing what H's concerns are so he starts to feel he can move closer to you.
