Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Sandi, couple reasons I chose to stop taking the meds. I found that it made me very tired. This began after I took the meds. It also made me feel sort of "numb" is the best way I can describe. I didn't like feeling that way. I didn't feel like I could think clearly sometimes. Right now I really need to be able to focus. Lastly, I'm not sure if I need the meds anymore anyway. It got me over he hump I think. With the cognitive behavior therapy and other techniques I have worked on with my IC, I am doing a much better job of recognizing certain behaviors of mine (depression, ocd and anxiety) and I'm able to manage them fairly well now. I'm keeping a close eye on my behavior now and if I start to backslide into the depression, ocd or anxiety, I will definitely go back on the meds. I did talk to my doctor and IC before making the decision and they said I can try it without the meds. We all agreed that I will go back on the meds if needed. I am feeling much better now. I don't feel so tired anymore and I feel lke I'm able to think more clearly again and focus. I'm concentrating everyday on using the CBT techniques from from IC to manage any depression or anxiety. So far it seems to be working. Other than not having my W with me, I feel ok.

Couple of things to update. I talked with my DB coach a couple of days ago. She really helps me put things in perspective. She said that she sees positive improvement with my W. She looked back on her notes and reminded me that only two months ago my W didn't want to meet with me face to face or call me on the phone...everything was email. Now my W is meeting with me face to face and she calls me. My DB coach said that since I'm living with this everyday that I might not be able to see all of the positives that have happened in two months. She also reminded me that two months ago my W would barely talk to me and not give me any personal information. Well, now she is talking to me and does share some personal info with me. My DB coach said that my W is beginning to feel more comfortable with me again. She said that my W is being friendly again and that's a good thing. She said that friendship needs to happen first. She asked me what my goals were for the next few weeks to a month. I said that it would be nice just to continue to build on the friendliness. I don't wwant to ask to much from W right now so I would continue to do the things that work and build on it. My DB coach thought this was a good idea. She said not to push, that W is just starting to be more comfortable with me. DB coach thought it was good when my W asked me about planting flowers in the front yard this week. She thought it is a good idea to continue to build the friendly interactions with my W and I. So that's what I'll do, just keep things light and simple.

I do have one question that I would like to know what you think. I mentioned that my W has been saying for a month now that she was getting her owm apartment but she has yet to do so. I bumped into someone last night who told me that my W recently moved back into her parent's house. She was living at her sister's house. When I asked my W last week if she was still living at her sister's house she said yes, she was. Clearly she lied to me. My question is how to handle this news. We are supposed to talk later today about the house. Do I call her out on this? My IC said that I should be more assertive with my W. Part of me wants to tell my W that I know she is living with her parent's and she lied to me last week. I also want to tell her that I want to see the bak statement that she moved our joint money into, to make sure it's all still there. I'm sure it it but I feel like making her do this for me to show me some trust. I am very happy to know that she is not living with her sister now. I'm also very happy that she is not getting her own apartment. This is typical for my W to tell me one thing and do another. My IC and I talked about many things my W has told me she was going to do after she left but hasn't gone through with yet. Anyway, I'm just happy she is back with her parents for now. So I'm not sure how to handle this news. Should I confront her or let it go for now? I'm not sure I even want to talk to her today. Might need a day to think about it. I want to tell her that I'm trying to trust her but her actions make it difficult and makes me wonder what else she is being dishonest about (reasons for selling the house, her responsibilities of paying part of the bills, etc.) Sandi, SteveM, Robx, what do you think? I don't want to hinder the progress (friendliness) that I seem to be making but I don't want to be lied to either.

It's difficult not to try to mind read things. At times my W shows signs of being more frendly and other times she is off in her own world. All part of the process I guess. Yesterday I emailed her to let her know that a friend of mine passed away and I was going to the viewing last night so I woulnd't be able to call her until today. I asked her if she wanted me to sign her name to the sympathy card. I was dissapointed that she never got back to me last night. This morning she emailed me and said that she was sorry to hear about my friend. She thought it was good that I went to the viewing. She never mentioned anything about the card. She said she would be around later today if I want to call her. The tone of the email was good but maybe i was looking for more. Anyway, the viewing was sad. It was good to go and pay my respects. My friend was only 33, he had cancer. It made me think how short life truly is and that I want to spend my life with my W and get past this.

So I don't know if I should call her today or wait a day. When I do call I'm not sure how to handle the news about her moving back with ther parents. In the meantime I have a busy weekend planned. I'm actually going out to do things for me. I'm taking a break this weekend on working on the house...I need it.